We were without internet/wifi and land line for seven days.  Usually that is preceded by rain or strong wind.  Nothing this time.  Whenever this happens, I think "I hope people trying to get in touch with me don't think I am ignoring them."

I need not worry.  Only one person contacted me the whole time.  A recent graduate.  She texted me and talking to her made me feel good, like someone wanted to be in touch.  Not to brag about something in their life, just to keep in touch.

So you probably think I should have just used my phone's data.  Well, there are three phones on the plan and all three combined have a total data limit of 2GB.  I rarely use data.  However, I had to check email to make sure my bass lessons were not being rescheduled and I had to do my language lessons each night.  That little bit was a lot, and I did not want to use up all the data.

I make it known that I lose internet often.  Verizon has refused for about four or five years to replace the chewed line.  They will only patch it.  So, you are probably thinking I should give people my number so we can keep in touch that way.  Ah, and there is the problem.  I have.  There is the person who texts me a question, I respond in timely fashion, and remain unread for weeks or months.  Then there is the person who claimed my number was lost when all Instagram DMs were lost when they got a new phone.  Nice one, except your DMs stay with your Instagram account, not your phone.  It is the text messages you lose when you get a new phone.  

You see, people will lie to me to explain why they do not want my number.  It's kind of pathetic. But they will not hesitate to DM me if they need something from me.  The person I was friends with who did actually keep my number - we texted often, and even talked on the phone - has not contacted me since I declined to give him money for rent.  

So, seven whole days with no internet, I don't post for a week - I post on FB regularly so a disappearance is odd - and one whole person tried to get in touch.  My one friend knew I was without phone and he got in touch when he saw me online.  That's it.  I could actually disappear and no one would notice until they needed something from me and found me gone.  I know I have complained about this before, but damn, it hurts.  So many people talked about doing things differently, reassessing how they treat others after this whole pandemic.  All I see now is an impatience and rush to return to the old ways, including how we interact, treat each other, and keep in touch.  I do not think many people have learned a thing from this.  Those of us who do so much for others and thought that more people would become kinder and more giving are facing some harsh realities.  

I know this might sound petty, but I have made a decision that will help me feel better and less let down.  Hubby and I talk about leaving the area when I stop teaching.  I have decided that when I decide to retire/quit, I will do so without telling anyone.  Of course, I will submit my resignation with the required notice.  I would never leave an employer high and dry.  I never have.  We will move and only tell a few people.  Just walking away, without dealing with people pretending they will miss us will be so much better for our self-esteem.  It might seem like a "gotcha" kind of thing, but it is not.  I think about how I always have these hopes - friends will want to do something with me for a special occasion, people will want to do things with me - and I am always let down when I try to reach out and offer.  Just quietly planning, with no selfish or fake opinions from others will feel empowering.  Leaving this area and all these people behind with no warning will feel good.  No dragging things out.  No sadness or lingering doubts.  Just leaving.  The two of us doing something just for us.