On Wednesdays, I have bass guitar lessons.  The guy teaching me is an accomplished musician.  I am a doofus.  He is extremely patient with me and my horrible wifi.

This past week we had the most affirming conversation.  He was talking about feeling music within you, in your gut.  There is a difference between the head and the gut - the connection of one to this imaginary thing up there and the other connected to the earth.  He might have thought I was just going to go "uh-huh" but my skin got all tingly when he was talking.  

You see, my sister and I say that there is something wrong with my mother because she does not love music.  Sure, she likes songs.  But there is no passion.  For us, the music we like affects us within.  We have an emotional reaction.  We might feel something positive or negative, but it is not just a decision made in our heads.  Some songs come on and I can feel my breath halting, being sucked out of me.  Some songs make me feel funny, lightheaded, in another head space.  (I get this when looking at art as well.  It is apparently a condition.)

We talked about being connected to the earth.  Music instruments make sounds that you can hear but also feel from head to toe and in our gut, and not just from the vibrations of a loud amp.  You can feel them inside.  The pop fluff or bands making music to make bank aren't doing this for us.  To have him talk about this without him knowing these were my beliefs was so validating for me.  I told him that I do not do drugs and don't drink heavily.  My students wonder how I can manage that and I told him that when I listen to music, the right ones give me the sensations they describe from being high.  He nodded and got what I meant.  I have been made to feel like such a fucking loser by friends and students for seeing things this way.  I wasn't "getting it".  He refuted the idea that the best musicians make their best sounds while under the influence with facts that my students our "friends" would refuse to listen to.  The fact is, they can't do it.  Maybe write a lyric or two, but the music?  Not the genuinely moving stuff.

But you see, I am getting it.  And I am getting it in a more pure way that I can remember or recall much more readily.  And this person who has made music that takes me to a higher place and continues to make music that moves me (though I am too embarrassed to tell him how much I like his current band) validated all of this for me.  I might not become a better bass player right away, but I felt a little confidence at the end of our talk.