So why do I go online anymore? I guess I have to because of the political work I do. But every now and then I get a reminder of how little I matter.
Each year I get kids who say they will keep in touch after they graduate. Like a fool, I used to believe that. After last year I am not acting like the positive gal I never really was. There are kids who say they want to go for coffee, tea, a chat. Sure, I would do it. As a person with few friends without four paws, I will take any chance to socialize and catch up with my former students. But the calls never come. Mom, there is a reason I am so negative.
So I go online and see more photos of a former student who wanted to keep in touch. Out with a colleague. Yup. The kids really do keep in touch with former teachers. Just. Not. Me. And here I am answering any message from a kid who sends me a request for help. Need help with your college class/advisor/life? I'm here for you. Need to find a way to let me know how much I meant to you for being there for you day and night when you were in high school? Not so much from their end.
The teachers have a countdown to the end of the year. They do it every year. I don't. The real reason is because I love most of my kids so much, I don't want to know when it is ending. The reason I tell everyone is that I like to be surprised that vacation is here. The first week of summer is a time of withdrawal. I miss my kids so much. I miss the talks and the personal connection. Except for going to the club, I see no one over the summer. It's me and my cats and my plants. I might see my friend Jon once or twice for coffee when he takes the motorcycle through my town. That's it.
If you think the fact that I have no friends is why I cling to the students, you are wrong. I was always like this with my kids. I still think of the kids I had my first years of teaching. They just don't think of me. All I ever wanted was to spread my love for the arts and my ideas about how to be a good human being. I want to help my students enjoy life way more than I could ever have. I hated school. I want to make sure that for 45 minutes a day, my kids are enjoying something.
So I won't do the count down. I don't want to know when it is ending. They might come in a little less as the year draws to a close and talk a little less because they hate school so much and hate being here. Me? I will still cherish the few days I have left with them until I never see or hear from them again.
Unless they need something from me. Then, like a sucker, I will respond in a heartbeat.
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
Teaching can be a lonely business. You are surrounded by people: kids, colleagues and - increasingly - administrators. Yet, if no once cares about each other, you are still alone. I found out that a colleague who is supposed to consider bringing us together referred to others as "clowns". It is Teacher Appreciation Week. I never worked a place where I felt more unappreciated.
I attended a meeting at the state union offices last night. I am on a committee with representatives from other counties all over the state. We all had complaints that were very similar. However, there was one thing they all had in common that I did not: supportive colleagues. Having this meeting on the actual Teacher Appreciation Day really was depressing. I had to drive home an hour and a half with this running through my brain. Sure, we got cookies and a two sentence email of thanks. Others got nothing, but they've got so much more. They work with colleagues who like each other and stick by each other. They also have kids who show regular appreciation. Not words, but actions.
I guess that's what is really missing here. The kids complain ALL THE TIME. There is always some right of theirs that is being trampled on. The indignity of wearing an ID of having to wait a couple of minutes to take a piss really is so inhumane. I think of their complaints each time I have to piss and have to wait an hour and a half or when my ID get snagged in some equipment or the radiator or the matte cutter, again. It wouldn't be so bad if there was love and caring from the kids on a regular basis, as there used to be. But that is dissipating. Did the last governor do his job and get the people to think we are evil and now the kids are starting to think so? Is disrespect more "in" now? The loss of this from the kids makes it hard.
Add to this the lack of caring or respect from colleagues and you have a perfect situation for a gal with depression to need more medication. I know I work in a messed up place and we have some hard times we are going through, but last night made it worse. There are so many things wrong in education right now due to the actions of the previous administration in Trenton. We are reeling from it all. But to hear so many people tell each other that they and their colleagues have each others' backs, it hurts. The people who try to make trouble or kiss up number about five in any given building. Not where I am. I should wear a pair of wellies to walk the halls with all the ass kissing and the remarkable shit shows going on.
There are colleagues who can understand a nasty man taking a bogus no work $100,000+ position because he has needs, but they will rip apart a colleague for taking a $4,000 stipended position that involves tons of hours of work. It's not what you know or who you know. People's ideals are screwed up and respect and camaraderie is the last thing on anyone's mind. People undercut each other. They tell their kids their classes are the most important. They cultivate a sense of fear in the students such that the kids do their work in your class but confiscate your equipment if it comes out in theirs, despite your rules about when and where to shoot photos.
I walk in here each day past a program that I am told will take my darkroom away in any number of years. I try to love my students as they are rude and cranky with me for inane reasons. I try to be polite to my colleagues knowing what they think of me and my "fluff" program. I try to be kind to my administrators and guidance counselors knowing they are doing their best to shift kids from my class. It sucks. I can't wait for June and I no longer wish for the year to go on. I want it to go away. Happy Teacher Appreciation Week.
I attended a meeting at the state union offices last night. I am on a committee with representatives from other counties all over the state. We all had complaints that were very similar. However, there was one thing they all had in common that I did not: supportive colleagues. Having this meeting on the actual Teacher Appreciation Day really was depressing. I had to drive home an hour and a half with this running through my brain. Sure, we got cookies and a two sentence email of thanks. Others got nothing, but they've got so much more. They work with colleagues who like each other and stick by each other. They also have kids who show regular appreciation. Not words, but actions.
I guess that's what is really missing here. The kids complain ALL THE TIME. There is always some right of theirs that is being trampled on. The indignity of wearing an ID of having to wait a couple of minutes to take a piss really is so inhumane. I think of their complaints each time I have to piss and have to wait an hour and a half or when my ID get snagged in some equipment or the radiator or the matte cutter, again. It wouldn't be so bad if there was love and caring from the kids on a regular basis, as there used to be. But that is dissipating. Did the last governor do his job and get the people to think we are evil and now the kids are starting to think so? Is disrespect more "in" now? The loss of this from the kids makes it hard.
Add to this the lack of caring or respect from colleagues and you have a perfect situation for a gal with depression to need more medication. I know I work in a messed up place and we have some hard times we are going through, but last night made it worse. There are so many things wrong in education right now due to the actions of the previous administration in Trenton. We are reeling from it all. But to hear so many people tell each other that they and their colleagues have each others' backs, it hurts. The people who try to make trouble or kiss up number about five in any given building. Not where I am. I should wear a pair of wellies to walk the halls with all the ass kissing and the remarkable shit shows going on.
There are colleagues who can understand a nasty man taking a bogus no work $100,000+ position because he has needs, but they will rip apart a colleague for taking a $4,000 stipended position that involves tons of hours of work. It's not what you know or who you know. People's ideals are screwed up and respect and camaraderie is the last thing on anyone's mind. People undercut each other. They tell their kids their classes are the most important. They cultivate a sense of fear in the students such that the kids do their work in your class but confiscate your equipment if it comes out in theirs, despite your rules about when and where to shoot photos.
I walk in here each day past a program that I am told will take my darkroom away in any number of years. I try to love my students as they are rude and cranky with me for inane reasons. I try to be polite to my colleagues knowing what they think of me and my "fluff" program. I try to be kind to my administrators and guidance counselors knowing they are doing their best to shift kids from my class. It sucks. I can't wait for June and I no longer wish for the year to go on. I want it to go away. Happy Teacher Appreciation Week.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
How can one write about education when the law forbids you from speaking against your administration and board of education? How can you let parents/guardians and students know they are being wronged when you are censored? Why bother blogging when there is nothing you can say without being reprimanded and possibly punished?
Well, I can write about my colleagues.
I believe we should work together as one. We support each other and do nothing that will be to another's detriment. My colleagues do not see things the same. In our state, we have Student Growth Objectives (SGO) that have a bearing on how we are evaluated each year. This is in addition to the yearly evaluations we have to endure. Students are given a pre-assessment of some sort (test, performance, etc.) and we then predict how they will grow as the year goes on. This growth is determined by performance on quarterly based assessments/exams. We are instructed to not give any tests during quarterly assessment weeks. My dear colleagues (usually the men, natch) have a way around this. They call the tests "quizzes". They are brilliant! So what happens? The students have already been told they are in classes that are the most important in the building. History and mathematics take precedence over all other disciplines. This creates a problem for the student. Study for the quarterly exam in the special class (art, music, etc.) or study for the male-taught most important quiz of the marking period. What does the student do? Study for the "quiz" and blow off your quarterly exam. The grade on the exam is abysmal, thus messing up the teacher's SGO. But who cares because History and Math are the only classes that count?
So here is my issue: My colleagues' actions are screwing up my rating as an employee. And no one is blowing the whistle. The men doing this are all men who are ass-kissers with administration. They cultivate an aura of hipness with the students. They revel in being worshipped by kids they don't care about after graduation. And there are no consequences. And no one has made a peep about it. My observations are good. I am a highly rated teachers in all respects on paper. But then when the students are pressured to study for too many exams, what do you think takes a back seat? Photography.
I will be bringing this up to administration. I just need to find the right way to do it so that it does not seem like I am being petty. I have no reason to be petty at this job. I do have a reason to not want to see my students screw up their grades by choosing what to study for and a reason to not see my colleagues have their SGOs suffer. It is ironic that the gal who supposedly hates sports is more of a team player than the men who have been coaches.
This place is full of irony.
Well, I can write about my colleagues.
I believe we should work together as one. We support each other and do nothing that will be to another's detriment. My colleagues do not see things the same. In our state, we have Student Growth Objectives (SGO) that have a bearing on how we are evaluated each year. This is in addition to the yearly evaluations we have to endure. Students are given a pre-assessment of some sort (test, performance, etc.) and we then predict how they will grow as the year goes on. This growth is determined by performance on quarterly based assessments/exams. We are instructed to not give any tests during quarterly assessment weeks. My dear colleagues (usually the men, natch) have a way around this. They call the tests "quizzes". They are brilliant! So what happens? The students have already been told they are in classes that are the most important in the building. History and mathematics take precedence over all other disciplines. This creates a problem for the student. Study for the quarterly exam in the special class (art, music, etc.) or study for the male-taught most important quiz of the marking period. What does the student do? Study for the "quiz" and blow off your quarterly exam. The grade on the exam is abysmal, thus messing up the teacher's SGO. But who cares because History and Math are the only classes that count?
So here is my issue: My colleagues' actions are screwing up my rating as an employee. And no one is blowing the whistle. The men doing this are all men who are ass-kissers with administration. They cultivate an aura of hipness with the students. They revel in being worshipped by kids they don't care about after graduation. And there are no consequences. And no one has made a peep about it. My observations are good. I am a highly rated teachers in all respects on paper. But then when the students are pressured to study for too many exams, what do you think takes a back seat? Photography.
I will be bringing this up to administration. I just need to find the right way to do it so that it does not seem like I am being petty. I have no reason to be petty at this job. I do have a reason to not want to see my students screw up their grades by choosing what to study for and a reason to not see my colleagues have their SGOs suffer. It is ironic that the gal who supposedly hates sports is more of a team player than the men who have been coaches.
This place is full of irony.
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