I am constantly giving feedback to the kids. Lots of times, they will say I am just saying something to be nice. Well, no. I tell them that if I didn't mean it, I wouldn't say it. I would give some constructive criticism.
Which leads me to false positivity and behaviours. Are the kids used to people being fake, insincere, less than truthful? Are they used to people pretending to be nice when they are really nasty? Well, yes. I have a hunch they are surrounded by the same people I am. And my kids are sick of their BS detectors red-lining, just like I am. So I read an article recently about this cult of positivity. So many people post all these nice-nice positive quotes, motivational clap trap. The message is always the same: you can/should lift yourself out of this misery you put yourself in; you can change your life on your own; your negative thinking is what is holding you back; there is always a silver lining. The message implies that all who are struggling are doing so out of their own doing and should fix that. "I was 500 pounds and now I am 150 and you can do it too!" "I love everyone and my life is great because of that and you should too!" "I was at rock bottom and lifted myself up out of my hole and you should too!" It's that easy.
Well, no. Let's list some of the things that you, I, or my kids might be dealing with: mental health diagnoses, physical ailments, deceased parent(s), poverty, joblessness, homelessness. Add to this a political climate in which social assistance is seen as a crutch that is systematically being whittled down to nothing, fingers pointed at those who can't escape. Yes, some portions of our population are born into situations that cannot be remedied by a few pithy positive statements. So please, save your mantra for another audience.
You lost a ton of weight? Nice. You obviously did not have to worry about the fact that the cheapest food is also the most unhealthy. You had a horrible break up and got yourself back on your feet? Nice that you had mommy and daddy to go to in the meantime. Homelessness really was never an issue for you. Bummed about your life situation? Nice that you had the luxury to take time off to get yourself back together instead of having to work multiple jobs just to keep a roof over your head and food on the table.
The article goes on to point out something very interesting about all these positive mother earth lovey dovey proclamations: As long as the message is that you can/should do it yourself, failure to do so is all your fault. And there is not a thing you can do about that other than fix what must be wrong with you. It is all your fault. Again... Well, no. A failure to see the parts of the system that fail the individual leads to a lack of effort to change the system. Shoving your messages of positivity without acknowledging the privilege that enabled your success makes those without that privilege feel like failures. It does not help them one bit. You know what? How about you donate some healthy food to one of the many lacking food pantries instead of doing some stupid scam "run for charity"? Donate time, supplies, or money to an organization that provides shelter for the homeless. Spend time with some troubled kids to make them feel worthwhile.
While some people put on the nice-nice face, guilt you into giving them money for their scam charity thingy, post inane quotes from this or that guru, and drip all this false sweetness, I know that is usually a facade. I might be harsh, a little cold, and full of anger. But my kids know this: I know the deal, I know that some people do not have it easy and no amount of rosiness will help a bit. They do not need sunshine-y words and fake smiles. They need honesty, real help, maybe someone who will listen without judging, a little healthy snack in the morning. You get the idea. I will take transparency and a heart of ice over false smiles any day. So will my kids....
No comments:
Post a Comment