- Yesterday, I found a carpenter bee in the pool. I am deathly allergic to some types of stinging things, but I am fairly confident that bees aren't the ones that will kill me. So, being the nature lover I am, I gently pick the tyke up by the wings to save a life. That rat bastard swings his ass around to sting my left forefinger. I promptly dropped the little sh*t in the water.
- I talked badly about someone I kind of know. Yes, he has been uppity and condescending to me at times, but compared to things people have done to me over my life, that's hardly worth a mention.
- A beautiful new butterfly made a visit to the flowers. This was a beautiful fritillary.
- I saw the garden snake again. He is getting bigger.
- I was not quick enough with my camera to capture the previous two. However, I decided that being able to gaze and appreciate with the naked eye rather than behind a viewfinder is better sometimes.
Regarding number 2, I am not the type that likes to gossip or bad mouth a person who has done nothing outright rude to me on a repeated basis. I can talk about a person's faults without malice meant. And we all have faults. There are people who have been exceedingly rude or two faced to me. Well, you get what you deserve when it comes to what comes out of my mouth. However, regarding this instance, I nearly immediately regretted it. I must make a mental note to not get sucked into that again. I will be a sounding board, but I need to not do this again. The guilts got to me. And the way events rolled out at week's end, well, if you believe in karma, it got me. And how.
Regarding number 1 - the biggest one - I tried to do something nice for what I thought was a helpless being and it came back to bite me. As I lay awake at 3.45am I realized this was a metaphor for my life. I have lost a great deal of time taking care of others. When those "others" are my students, I expect nothing in return but thanks/gratitude and maybe cooperation. They are teenager. Their brains are still developing and their ability to mentally work through a situation is not the same as an adults. When it is a friend or family member, I expect a little more because they are adults. Not much, but nothing I would not give back if the situation were reversed. I don't want tchotchkes, cards, gifts, insincere thanks if there is not an equal level of respect and caring. It seems so American to think that items are a sign of friendship/family love. My European relatives show their love and friendship with how they treat each other, not what they buy each other. The items that mean things to me are related to deceased, beloved family and friends. Nothing anyone gives me at this point in my life can do that. How a person treats me - the very little, subtle things - are what mean more.
Unfortunately, I do not believe there are many people who put a value on how they are treated, listened to, cared for by friends or family. Sure, they might say or write it. But those are just words and are - when push comes to shove - not backed up by reciprocal action. It is as if society is so self absorbed that it cannot see that it takes and takes without giving the same in return. Is it getting worse? I don't know. Is it because we are bombarded by all these feel good "take care of yourself, you are the victim" mantras? I notice the people who are relentless in pushing those things are the ones who are so sly in their selfish behaviour. It hides under a cloak of "self care".
Now, the moment I look to take care of myself, do something for me, instead of being at everyone's beck and call, I get the message I have disappointed. Yet, when this happens with students, do you know what they say? They acknowledge that we teachers give of ourselves way too much and they cheer us on. They know we deserve to put ourselves first once in a blue moon. I always tell my students that we high school teachers do not look for gifts for holidays or at the end of the year. What means more to us is the knowledge that they are thankful, appreciative, respectful, and will take our words and lessons and make the world a wee bit better because of their time with us.
They get it. Why can't an adult? And people wonder why I am excited to get back to the school year and be with my kids.
The bee always comes back to bite me in the ass. When will I learn?
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