Disappointment...

So the PV budget failed. I am not in line to lose my job, but two people I really like could lose theirs. And they are phenomenal teachers in departments that have others who are not as good.

The disrespect kept on coming today and I am tired of it. Another student even commented on how I am treated. Guess I am not enough of a buddy. But I am apparently a chump...

And one of the last members of my father's family died. She was a developmentally disabled aunt and I can't even go to the funeral tomorrow. This is why I want to go to Hungary so badly... try to find someone, anyone who may be left on his side. Dad was diagnosed with cancer two years ago, it was removed and he has done nothing to improve his health. I know he could be next and there are so many unidentified pictures and people to find...

And no student knows that things like this are going on and they choose to let themselves get angry with you because you have the nerve to try to teach them or expect their independent work to be 100% when we should just be letting them coast because they are seniors. Or I am supposed to be a best friend and class is supposed to be a party. I want to be a mentor, not a buddy... but I just want a break...

I may try to find the cemetery in the time I have between the end of the school day and the Congressional show...

Lacking something...

So besides this increase in disrespect towards me I am also noticing a general lack of interest or enthusiasm in some formerly enthusiastic students. I know that some are suffering from that senioritis, but I know that is not the case with some others.

In a related issue - though it may not seem related at all - I have been thinking a bit about the work situation at PV. When I started in 2002, I thought the place was great. The following year, I realized the place I thought was a cooperative community was most certainly not. I realized in just a couple of short years that the happiest times were in the classroom, not with co-workers. I could dismiss a rude student's behaviour as not personal. But how do I respond to that and other things when it comes from a colleague?

I have been thinking of this lately because a former student I keep in touch with on Facebook replied to a post I made about a women's rights bookstore in the LES. I had her as a junior but not as a senior. She tried to come to the darkroom once as a senior but never again. I also noticed a change in her behaviour towards me. Not as eager to talk to me or work in the classroom in free time. This may seem like nothing, but I think she would have benefitted from some of the programs at that store and I make an effort to let students know about issue things that may help or interest them. But I never got the chance her senior year when she finally had the means to get there on her own...

Why? I wondered. Maybe she was too busy her senior year... then another former student let me know that there are other things that prevent PV art students from going to former art teachers while still at the school....

And I think the same types of things have been going on there for awhile and still are. And to be honest with you, I am tired of the fighting for students' attention. This is not what teaching is about and I give too much of myself to this place. Hubby and I have already decided that if our governor runs and gets elected president, that will not bode well for us as public workers. We will put the house up for sale and move. That means leaving PV. But should I do it sooner? Should I just give up on that place that values those who play games over those who truly care about the students? They are not pawns and I feel so bad that I could not let this girl know about these things that could have made her feel better about herself; particularly because she had little support at home.

I just think there's more to teaching than playing games with the students and I think I need to do something about this, before I feel bad about another missed opportunity with any other students... of course, in this department, I am the only one who opens her mouth, but not the only one with this opinion... sigh...

Treats...

So I let a lot of bills out of my hands today. I actually treated myself and didn't just go shopping, but also went buying! I spent an insane amount of money - $150 - on a pair of shoes, found a Love & Rockets book at Houseworks bookstore (love the Hernandez bros), and picked up a ton of zines and "issue" magazines at Bluestockings. I was going to bring a film camera and just shoot on the sly, but I wanted to just walk and look...

Speaking of looking, there was a Fiat showroom on Wooster. There were three 500's parked on the street outside and two new ones and one vintage inside. They offered to let us take a test drive but in Soho? No way! But they were nice to sit in. But nicer to sit in a drive in Europe! I remember a billboard in France advertising it for 10,000 Euros! So cheap! Probably a lot higher here with shipping and such...

And last bit of news, the shipment of backpacks, luggage tags and phone cards came from EF! Such a big box!!! It is in my trunk and anxious to be brought to PV. So, another trip meeting soon... and I took a 4-cd French language set out of the library. Woo hooo!!!!!

Cut off from the world...

So apparently the way most people react to a life without a cell phone is the way I react to a life without the internet. I have been without since at least last Thursday and finally got it up and running this morning. My blood was boiling, I wanted to toss the CPU out the window, I cursed Dell and Verizon and nearly bowed down to the altar of Mac until I couldn't get that one up either... I was mooching off other people's internet and was nearly desperate enough to use the town library - not to knock that if you do it but our library is full of kids who think the place is a track & field competition. So with a new - extra - router courtesy of Verizon, I am thinking of hooking the iMac up to the internet. So, we are a three car household and may be a two internet capable computer house.

Part of the reason for the antsyness is that I am way behind on submissions. And all of them are via online. So now I am set. But then I looked at some scans of negatives and thought, "eh, that needs to be darkroom produced, not scanned." So hopefully hubby will be up for babysitting Millie tonight while I hunker down in the basement to print. Not that any students are reading this, but I would like to think that the fact that I do work over the break would be inspiration enough to get their creative juices flowing... please? At least one student has been posting stuff regularly. And gosh... I sure like what you post, ZN.

Another reason for the antsyness - I cannot garden in this weather! It's cold and rainy! And trying to garden on Sunday was an exercise in futility. You try moving leaves with gale force winds coming up the hill!

And one last thing... I forgot on that list in the previous post that AIB in Boston just opened up their summer program registration... you know what to do.... plan your summer now kids!

Wasted time...

Lingered around work for an hour b/c of a delayed hand appointment to find out it was a waste b/c my doctor did not send my EMG report yet again. Of course, a perfect ending to a perfect week. I seem to be surrounded by people who do not want to do their work but act like they are giving 110%. So my reschedule had to be for next Friday - when I was supposed to go see Lucy at her swim lesson.

So I have decided to spend the rest of my vacation for myself. I have one more thing to do and then the week is mine. I have given enough of myself to this job for 9+ years to realize it has been a waste. I will work on my own art, my own submissions and even saunter on into the city and shop and gallery hop alone - no one to bother me...

Last bit for the kids... the following schools have summer program deadlines coming up:

School of Visual Arts - open on a first come, first served basis; housing all full
RISD - first come, first served
Corcoran - open; excellent Photojournalism and Fine Art Photo programs
Pratt - Extended until April 30!
University of the Arts - Extended until May ! with limited space; Michelle had full scholarship last year!
Tyler School of Art - three different sessions
Massachusetts College of Art and Design - Summer Intensives
MICA - summer pre-college deadline is April 21
The School of the Art Institute of Chicago - open registration began in March
Kansas City Art Institute - deadline April 22
Academy of Art University - open registration

Just in case anyone was interested...

Shots

So this week just gets better and better! After much crawling around the computer and making Millie get up off my lap and a long phone call with Verizon and just sheer aggravation, it appears my modem is not working. No internet at home. Grrrr.... So I cannot comment on student blogs, cannot keep up the PV Budget site, can't look up all my political stuff, can't send in art to galleries, and just major problems all around. Verizon says the new modem should arrive on Monday. Let's hope so.

Today I have an appointment with the hand surgeon. We try a cortizone shot. This better work. Gardened some yesterday with no pain. But then I forgot to vote on the PVEA elections and - even worse - I completely forgot jury duty on Wednesday. Luckily the Morris County lady took complete pity on me. She saw I was a teacher and I get the feeling we do this quite a bit. She said they reserve summer jury days for teachers. So, I have a July date. Phew! I thought I was would be arrested for contempt of court. I felt faint when I saw the notice. Hubby laughed at me...

Hella Halo

Yesterday went better... no blood in period 3 and no broken glass in period 7. Period 3 did so well printing and we did Halo-Chrome in Photo II & II. It was so easy and fabulous! I did not expect that at all. As an alternative process, I expected it to be complicated what with all the mixing solutions and such. It was so much fun! Nearly burn out the psillia in my nose and breathing was weird and different for the rest of the day...

Garden....

After the utter disappointment of yesterday, I needed to treat myself. I was so in need of something I even thought of going to the mall - horrors! - but hubby's doc appointment squashed that. So I shopped online. Dreamed of buying shoes in London while perusing my favourite store's website. Then I went to Richter's and bought seeds for veggies and herbs. Not as thrilling as buying shoes, but it will do...

If this week continues with the never ending student disappointments, I just may have to drop some cash at some shoe stores in Soho.... and yes, for a tightwad like me to day this, it is that bad.

Czeps says I am too nice and let myself get taken advantage of. Too true....

Stism

The last security word reminds me of band names from the 80's - band of a certain genre at least... This weather is getting me in the mood for breaking out the music but with the rain to come, that will be put off...

Rushed home - at least as rushed as you can be when you do the speed limit - to get in the garden. Moved more leaves off plants in the front and cut down the branches from last year's hibiscus. Now I will finalize the vegetables and herb seeds to order.

Excited to get projects done next week. We are not going away and I plan to: garden, do art, make art submissions, finish fixing the foundation under the first floor bathroom, go with Lucy to her swim class in Cedar Knolls, read, nap with Millie. That seems like a good enough list...

Now to get ready for a new Antiques Road Show. They are in Billings, Montana tonight! And last night was new "Upstairs, Downstairs" on Masterpiece... shaping up to be a good week PBS-wise!

Neck

So tell me how I get a neck pain by biking Central Park? Ugh... But, the muscles held up. I do need a squishier seat. My tush is bruised. I also did not need a single puff of my inhaler. The schisandra berry powder seems to be helping my asthma. We ate at a cart in the park and then went for tapas on 95th Street. And... best of all... I rode in the streets of Manhattan and did not fall, did not get door-checked and made it through alive. I have to be blunt here but I felt like a real bad-*ss. I did wear a helmet though...

Did some Main Street work this morning. Walking down the hill at 9 am I realize I am only the second one there. Sigh.... So I was the first to go home... But we did a nice job on the four buildings we worked on. The chemicals I used to polish the brass details probably took some years off my life, but oh well...

I am nearly done with The Jungle. The book is absolutely riveting. The only reason I put it down is to breath or eat. I can't believe it is not required reading in all schools...

The Jungle...

So, another ode to the wonders of the inter-library loan: I am reading the full, uncensored, one-third longer version of Upton Sinclair's The Jungle... I think everyone should read it in school... particularly those who do not understand why those in poverty tend towards criminal activity. I also fear that the situation in the book - not fiction - is the end goal of some people.... scary. Read it while perusing a copy of Jacob Riis' How the Other Half Lives. I dare you...

I have, unfortunately, not kept up on the art. Been doing a lot of union stuff and the grades were due - of course students procrastinate - and I have my town work and Millie was sick and I just really need to get back to the art. The pile of calls for entry sit there and the due dates pass and I feel like I have done nothing. I am working on a clean up tomorrow on Main Street at 9.00 am. I am seriously thinking if dropping out of the one organization because of numerous reasons. I want to do more stealth stuff, not be tied to an organization where the exec. takes a salary and most of the credit. Hubby and I are considering guerilla gardening. Well, not considering it, but considering the projects! Shhhhh......

At the last HPC meeting someone mentioned the "great" job the M-K House tenant is doing with mending the fence and the landscaping and I nearly exploded. I did the land clearing and landscaping! There is only one person who has thanked me, the rest don't even acknowledge the weeks of work I did over the summer and fall. Alas, I should be used to all of this. The last 7 years of work at PV has been nothing but one person taking credit for the work of others.... I just have trouble lying down and playing dead.

At least today I will go bike riding in Central Park with friends, have a super meal out, and perhaps see Lucy's first tooth! It looks like a big one!!! Pictures sure to follow......

ER again...

So last weekend I go to the ER and this past weekend it was Millie's turn... I will spare you all the details, but let's just say it was like she had the stomach virus I had after the Paris trip... Funny how a mommy knows something is wrong. I awoke at 3 am on Sunday morning and checked on the babycakes and she wasn't right; then by 4.30 stuff - you know, stomach stuff - was happening and I frantically called one number in the phone book and they gave me the number for the place in Fairfield that Shue and other people have recommended.

So we brought her to the kitty ER and they x-ray her and give her blood work and she probably just had a bug. But we don't let her out and we don't wear shoes in the house to track in stuff, so I have no idea how she got sick. I thought she may have eaten a mouse that was sick but no mouse in her x-ray. But gosh, even her x-rays are cute!

So she is much better now. We have her on a bland wet food from the hospital and she's peeing like normal. But no bm yet. But the most important part - no puking. I really hated seeing her sick... I never want to see that again. At least I had my mother check on her during the day so I didn't have to miss a day of work.

But I am getting very stressed at work. I am at my limit with the lack of initiative and drive. At this point in the year, I do not think I should be giving anyone all the answers and solutions. At this point the students should be making independent decisions and I am just not getting that. I am trying to not tell them literally what to do, but they really need to be led by the hand. But how am I helping if I do that for them? Who will do that for them in college and beyond? No one? Just very frustrated and vented to the hubby over dinner out tonight...

But a field trip tomorrow will hopefully pick up the spirits. Bringing the Diana mini and maybe the fisheye and Holga.

Toodles.....