While out with mother, we got to talking about my 8 year old niece and her friend situation.  She starts school again next week.  There are two girls she is close to.  One was taunted by a group of mean girls last year.  Family is worried this can lead to my niece being taunted by proximity.  There is another girl the niece is close to who is more quiet, reserved, and has yet to be targeted. 

This all sounds like niece should stick to the quiet girl.  But there is a catch.  My niece also gets along great with the boys.  As a matter of fact, it might even be that she has more fun with the boys.  On the last day of her kindergarten year, I went to see the festivities.  She was hanging around with the boys and she was the only girl in the bunch.  And she looked so happy.  And they looked happy to have her in their crowd.

So what is the problem?  I told mother that my sister should encourage my niece to stick with whoever treats her best and makes her feel welcome.  If that is the boys, so be it.  Mother joked about a photo of me from 8th grade that the family titled "Melanie and the boys."  If anyone in the family understands how female friendships can hurt, I do.  I have always felt more myself, had more fun with, and had better conversations with my male friends.  So I have to make a concerted effort to convey this to my niece.  Hang with the boys if you want.  Be yourself.

But how to convey this to students?  Where I work, any relationship between a male and female is assumed to be sexual.  I do try to break this up by pairing people strategically for projects.  Has it worked?  Has anything I have done there to break the norms worked?  Nope.  There is no hope there but at least I can work on my niece.