I have a lunch date for coffee with a former student today.  The gals are the dependable ones this year.  Last year I was screwed over by a boy and a girl.  This time the boys are the flakes.  Go figure.  Needless to say, I am happy to be socializing.  I have been stood up a couple of times by makes (socializing, meetings, etc.)  and it is not fun to waste a trip.  I can't wait for good coffee, life updates, and the best cafe in Morris/Essex County.  Let's see how long this lasts.

I have a half a month left and I am already dying for my next chance to get the hell out.  I think about the coming months and my chest hurts.  I am not happy to return to a toxic work environment.  It is not just the administration but the colleagues as well.  I am going to take a comrade's example to follow this year:  Work for union stuff, just not in my building.  My colleagues are toxic and it has seeped into the union.  If the leadership takes another opportunity to throw a dig at the previous leadership, I am sending a request to grow up to our president.  I am in a room with kids all day.  I don't need to be subjected to infantile behaviour at meetings.

So hubby and I decided to return to Scotland for our next trip and I am already set on cementing those plans.  My heart hurts thinking about living here.  I love my corner of the state, my little freak town, my little plot of land, and my little house.  But every single time I go out in daylight, I resent the way things have gotten.  Drivers are so hostile.  Traveling anywhere has become a contact sport.  I hate it.  I just want people to be nice and courteous to each other.  I talked to a comrade about moving to Europe.  We agreed the political situations in European countries can be as bad or worse, but the quality of life is so much better.   And that is what I need:  Quality of life. 

I have been let down by so many people over the past couple of years, including this summer.  Stood up, plans that never happened, requests for help that are never reciprocated, shit-talked, you name it.  All emotional, but harmful nevertheless.  I have been thinking of removing myself from the situations.  Shall I refuse to respond to people when they request help?  Shall I no longer respond to requests for socializing from flaky students?  I don't know.  It might be better for my sanity.  I would have more time to focus on my art, that's for sure.  By working hard on that over the past few months, I got into two shows this summer.  I didn't need flaky people who claim to be friends to achieve that.  I have been wondering if I should just focus on making connections in art and travel rather than work.  The work relationships have been nothing but depressing for me.  Even those that heal still hurt due to unresolved damage.  I just want to go to my job, do the best I do, have a positive impact on the kids, and go home at 3.05.  I don't want that place to be my life anymore because I know in my heart I don't belong there.  I know in my heart that I belong where the art is and where they speak other languages.