Sweat

Just submitted the AP Photo curriculum for review by the AP director at work.  Summer heat make you sweat?  That's nothing compared to the shaking and sweating from submitting a crucial thing like this.  It's like I am staking my whole being on this....  Make the program work or I look like an ass.  I know if I try talking to anyone about this they will tell me to calm down, I am over analyzing, taking it too seriously, blah, blah, blah.  So I get it off my chest in this manner so I don't hear those things from people whose work ethic is not up to my standards.

So in my ongoing effort to model good behaviour for the students, I have made three submissions to shows so far.  I was talking to my sister about this yesterday.  She said I must have a super resume.  Ha!  I wish.  I look at my list of exhibits and see that they have dropped off in recent years.  Yes, I get in a couple each year, but I was on a roll for awhile.  Then the sh*t hit the fan at work.  And there goes the art making.  I have piles of photos on my drafting table, waiting for the surface drawing to be completed.  I have two soft sculptures hidden behind a cabinet, waiting to be shaped and warped.  My work table in the basement?  Holy crap.  Felt balls, bugs in resin, bottle caps with fillings, prepped bones, funky stuff in resin....  All waiting for me to finish whatever the hell it is I am doing with them.  Now that the curriculum is complete, maybe I will have the clear head to work on some of these things....

So I met a recent graduate for coffee on Friday.  I had such a fabulous time.  I like hanging out with people of my own age/type but I have issues with this.  I have a hard time dealing with ignorant people when they are as old as I am.  How can you get to be this age and not be aware of the fact that there is inequity that cannot be overcome?  How can you not see that you come from a cushy position?  How can you have the nerve to complain about inane things and denigrate those who were born with so much less?  I try to explain how I see things and get the following responses:  "No, that's not true" or "Oh, you're wrong."  Uhhhh, ok.

So here I am in a Dunkin' Donuts with an 18 year old who proves to be wiser than many 30 and 40-somethings.  We talked about Israel and Palestine, the Confederate flag issues, police, traveling to get out of one's comfort zone, the futility of going to college for business or finance in an over saturated market, the need for more vo-tech programs in the public schools proper.  To be honest, some of his opinions really surprised me, in a good way.  All too often the so-called adults write off the kids for being ignorant and self absorbed.  That's not what I find.  I truly enjoy the time I spend before school, in class, during lunch, during duty, and after school talking about anything and everything.  Like the time we had a period long conversation on big pharma and cancer treatment.  Holy crap, the kids would have blown your mind.

My time talking to some of my peers?  Ugh.  Not so much.  Where are these people getting their opinions?  So many of them are so enamored with celebrity gossip and spend inordinate amounts of time reading that garbage.  Some are sucked in by deflective news - that's what I call the inconsequential stuff portrayed as news to prevent you from knowing about the stuff that will really affect you and your life.  News 12?  Please shoot me.  I want to scream each time someone tells me about something they saw on News 12.   At this point, I stop them and say I don't want to hear it because it isn't news.  By all means, let's fret over the car crash three hours away that has nothing to do with you whatsoever but is retold every ten minutes, while the TPP will bring more strife to labor in this country, Greece is getting a raw deal, we might just be getting to the point where we are improving relations with some traditional enemies, among many other ills or successes.

I guess this is why I want to be social but can't bring myself to it.  If I find a person who I know I could have a fabulous conversation with, I blow it with my over eager ways.  So I read, and read, and read.  And hubby and I have these talks.  But he gets so distressed about the issues, he needs to take a break.  And I read some more.  And once in a while, I get lucky and a former student wants to go out for coffee and we have a fabulous talk that lasts for hours.