Why don't students understand how much we do for them and care about them?  Don't they understand that when we talk with other teachers about the struggles we are having with individuals it is because we care and want to do a better job teaching?  I have worked in places where the teachers talked about the students in a vicious, catty way.  I will never forget when a colleague in another district referred to a student as "dumb as dirt".  I think that was the day I decided to no longer hang with the teachers in the lunch room in that school.

When I talk with the teachers I hang out with (and I can count the number on one hand and have fingers to spare), if a student's name comes up it follows one of two scenarios:  1.  That student did something funny, sweet, or notable or 2.  We are having trouble with that student and refuse to give up and are looking for another viewpoint or strategy.  Neither I nor the few people I associate with like hearing students talked about in a cruel way.  We love and care about them way too much.  If we are having trouble with a student and we talk about the situation with anyone, it is not malicious at all.  It is a last ditch effort to get feedback, ideas, insight, other angles, etc..  If we did not care about getting through to a student, we wouldn't even bother discussing the situation at all.

It's like this...

I recently heard that two people said/did something cruel regarding me.  My reaction?  Well, I already know that one of the people does not like me.  Therefore, her/his actions did not upset me.   The second individual?  Well, I thought we had a mutually respectful relationship, so that person's words hurt.  Basically, if I do not care about our relationship, I brush off anything cruel, disrespectful, or ignorant you say or do directed at me.  If I care about you.....  Well, that is when I get angry or upset.  Some of us teachers invest so much in the care, well-being, and futures of our students.  The relationships are so complex.  And when things go awry, we want to correct things.

I am not one to write students up at the drop of a hat for every little infraction.  My experience says that does not work in the long run.  If I am having problems with a student, I analyse.  I analyse her/his behaviour, my behaviour, outside factors, problems with how I am running the current project assignment, and so on.  I could never know what is going on in all the kids' lives.  But another teacher or student might.  I try to figure out the root of the problem.  It is not prying.  It is trouble shooting.  Usually it has worked.  This time, it was a total failure.  I need another strategy.  I have four days to come up with one.