So while a bunch of right wing nutters go on about civility, I am just looking for common courtesy.  I have a cell phone with no texting capabilities.  It is a flip phone.  This is clearly a problem for others.  You see, when people make plans, they like to be flexible - translation, they like to show up whenever they want.

So I have one friend.  He and I meet up for coffee sometimes.  When we do, he tends to be late.  He tends to message me on facebook when he is leaving.  Why not just leave at the time that would get you there at our designated meeting time?  I usually have to wait 20-30 minutes.  Then I get home and see all the "I'm on my way" messages.

I am the chair of an organization here in the north.  I like to start my meetings on time.  If we are meeting for an action, I like to all be there on time.  It was recently joked that I rule with an iron fist.  Nah.  I just like to respect everyone's time.  If we are looking to include people from all walks of life, we have to respect people's time.  We need to be cognizant of work schedules, child-care costs, etc..  But the lily white middle class men who show up all la di da late do not seem to think of that.  If you are taking public transportation to a meet up, take the bus or train that will get you there beforehand.  When I took the train to work in the city, I took the train that got me to work on time with time to spare.  I did not take the one that might get me there around the time I had to start work.  I am tired of being the first one to things and finding out everyone is texting each other "Be a little late.  On my way."  I saw the looks on the faces at a social justice group meeting in Morristown when the leaders took their sweet time starting.  Everyone had things they had to do, and the leaders showed no respect by starting whenever they felt like it.

Then I got stood up yesterday.  I was supposed to meet two former students for coffee.  Knowing that one tends to be late, I walked down at such a time to not get there early.  I have trained myself to bring reading material when meeting people.  Why?  Because I feel like a loser sitting and waiting for someone staring out into space.  So I sat outside.  And waited.  After about 45 minutes, I went inside and ordered myself a drink and sat down.  And read.  And waited.  Like a f*cking loser.  Then I finished my drink, went outside and called home.  Well, hubby saw a message pop up on the work ipad,  Yup, they were running late,  with a message from an hour ago.  We agreed I should wait a little longer.  I sat under a tree across the street and read.  An hour and a half after our meet up time, I went home.  I was tired of being made a fool of. 

I care for and love my students so much but it is not reciprocal.  I want friends to hang out with and put up with quirks, but the lateness is a constant I will put up with but do not like. I like my comrades, but the constant public transportation excuses are wearing thin on me.

So here is my thing.  It seems that texting and cell phone contact has become an excuse to be disrespectful of people's time.  We might set up a meeting time, but as long as you text that you are on your way or running late, all should be forgiven.  Well, I don't think so.  It signifies a selfishness and lack of courtesy.  I went to volunteer canvass for a candidate a few months ago.  I waited on the streets of Paterson for an hour for my comrades.  They were late.  I have dealt with this time after time, in good areas and bad.  I never worry about my safety.  I'll be fine.  I just think that if you are doing this to me, you are probably doing this to people who have more pressing things - baby-sitter they are paying by the hour, a job to get to, and so on.  

Mother tells me I am too finicky with my friends.  Well, I let a lot of stuff go.  I do not require my friends be ideologically identical to me, and no one is.  But I would rather be alone with no friends than stuck waiting for you again.  Oh wait, I am alone waiting for you.