Withdrawal has begun.  Why in the hell would I do drugs when I get so addicted and emotionally attached to the people in my life and then suffer intense withdrawal when we no longer see each other? 

The kids/now adults graduated less than a week ago.  I ended up tearing up when I said goodbye to my GSA president.  This woman did more for the club than anyone ever and for that, I will never forget her.  We went for coffee on Sunday and it was wonderful.  The conversation was fabulous.  I tend to stay alone when I am at the club - my only socialization - because there are some people there I tried to befriend who ended up having very troubling views.  So having intelligent conversation is a bonus for me when it happens.

I also teared up because I fear for the future of my program.  I hope I have positively impacted my kids.  Yeah, they say they have been but I never hear from most of them again so I am never sure.  But I feel that some in Guidance and the little man sent from the state are working to whittle down the department.  The faculty were told that no one is safe, regardless of seniority, tenure, or subject.  How's that for making us feel like we matter?  So I try to enrich my students' lives and teach them about so much more than Photography.  If I get pushed out, where does that leave them?  With a bunch of misogynists in liberal men's clothing in the coaches, I mean history, department.  I just feel a bit helpless here.

Hubby and my parents say I should scan the notes in my yearbook and bring them to my superior's attention or add them to my resume and start looking.  Yes to the first.  No to the latter.  This is the end of my career.  No one else will hire me.  I am too old and too costly.  A kid fresh out of school is cheaper. 

So then yesterday I met two other lovelies for coffee.  I loved it.  I had to go home for dinner after three and a half hours, but I could have stayed all night.  I loved just listening to them talk about photo equipment and technique.  Such cool stuff and I hope they continue to shoot. 

But driving home was happy and sad.  I have found people who are good to talk to, but will any of it last?  I do not know.  So what do I fill my time with now?  I developed two rolls of film yesterday.  I just completed some submissions to art shows.  I will be heading down to the basement to print some photos.  I also have a ton of political work right now.  I am trying to not get lonely.  I also want to go for a couple of trips into the city to gallery hop and maybe try out the Whitney at the new location.  I wish I had a friend to go with, but if not, so be it. 

My interpersonal relations with people is one of my drugs and I am going through withdrawal.