Teaching can be a lonely business.  You are surrounded by people:  kids, colleagues and - increasingly - administrators.  Yet, if no once cares about each other, you are still alone.  I found out that a colleague who is supposed to consider bringing us together referred to others as "clowns".  It is Teacher Appreciation Week.  I never worked a place where I felt more unappreciated.

I attended a meeting at the state union offices last night.  I am on a committee with representatives from other counties all over the state.  We all had complaints that were very similar.  However, there was one thing they all had in common that I did not:  supportive colleagues.  Having this meeting on the actual Teacher Appreciation Day really was depressing.  I had to drive home an hour and a half with this running through my brain.  Sure, we got cookies and a two sentence email of thanks.  Others got nothing, but they've got so much more.  They work with colleagues who like each other and stick by each other.  They also have kids who show regular appreciation.  Not words, but actions.

I guess that's what is really missing here.  The kids complain ALL THE TIME.  There is always some right of theirs that is being trampled on.  The indignity of wearing an ID of having to wait a couple of minutes to take a piss really is so inhumane.  I think of their complaints each time I have to piss and have to wait an hour and a half or when my ID get snagged in some equipment or the radiator or the matte cutter, again.  It wouldn't be so bad if there was love and caring from the kids on a regular basis, as there used to be.  But that is dissipating.  Did the last governor do his job and get the people to think we are evil and now the kids are starting to think so?  Is disrespect more "in" now?  The loss of this from the kids makes it hard.

Add to this the lack of caring or respect from colleagues and you have a perfect situation for a gal with depression to need more medication.  I know I work in a messed up place and we have some hard times we are going through, but last night made it worse.  There are so many things wrong in education right now due to the actions of the previous administration in Trenton.  We are reeling from it all.  But to hear so many people tell each other that they and their colleagues have each others' backs, it hurts.  The people who try to make trouble or kiss up number about five in any given building.  Not where I am.  I should wear a pair of wellies to walk the halls with all the ass kissing and the remarkable shit shows going on.

There are colleagues who can understand a nasty man taking a bogus no work $100,000+ position because he has needs, but they will rip apart a colleague for taking a $4,000 stipended position that involves tons of hours of work.  It's not what you know or who you know.  People's ideals are screwed up and respect and camaraderie is the last thing on anyone's mind.  People undercut each other.  They tell their kids their classes are the most important.  They cultivate a sense of fear in the students such that the kids do their work in your class but confiscate your equipment if it comes out in theirs, despite your rules about when and where to shoot photos.

I walk in here each day past a program that I am told will take my darkroom away in any number of years.  I try to love my students as they are rude and cranky with me for inane reasons.  I try to be polite to my colleagues knowing what they think of me and my "fluff" program.  I try to be kind to my administrators and guidance counselors knowing they are doing their best to shift kids from my class.  It sucks.  I can't wait for June and I no longer wish for the year to go on.  I want it to go away.  Happy Teacher Appreciation Week.