So why do I go online anymore?  I guess I have to because of the political work I do.  But every now and then I get a reminder of how little I matter.

Each year I get kids who say they will keep in touch after they graduate.  Like a fool, I used to believe that.  After last year I am not acting like the positive gal I never really was.  There are kids who say they want to go for coffee, tea, a chat.  Sure, I would do it.  As a person with few friends without four paws, I will take any chance to socialize and catch up with my former students.  But the calls never come.  Mom, there is a reason I am so negative.

So I go online and see more photos of a former student who wanted to keep in touch.  Out with a colleague.  Yup.  The kids really do keep in touch with former teachers.  Just. Not. Me.  And here I am answering any message from a kid who sends me a request for help.  Need help with your college class/advisor/life?  I'm here for you.  Need to find a way to let me know how much I meant to you for being there for you day and night when you were in high school?  Not so much from their end.

The teachers have a countdown to the end of the year.  They do it every year.  I don't.  The real reason is because I love most of my kids so much, I don't want to know when it is ending.  The reason I tell everyone is that I like to be surprised that vacation is here.  The first week of summer is a time of withdrawal.  I miss my kids so much.  I miss the talks and the personal connection.  Except for going to the club, I see no one over the summer.  It's me and my cats and my plants.  I might see my friend Jon once or twice for coffee when he takes the motorcycle through my town.  That's it.

If you think the fact that I have no friends is why I cling to the students, you are wrong.  I was always like this with my kids.  I still think of the kids I had my first years of teaching.  They just don't think of me.  All I ever wanted was to spread my love for the arts and my ideas about how to be a good human being.  I want to help my students enjoy life way more than I could ever have.  I hated school.  I want to make sure that for 45 minutes a day, my kids are enjoying something.

So I won't do the count down.  I don't want to know when it is ending.  They might come in a little less as the year draws to a close and talk a little less because they hate school so much and hate being here.  Me?  I will still cherish the few days I have left with them until I never see or hear from them again.

Unless they need something from me.  Then, like a sucker, I will respond in a heartbeat.