Iconic Morrissey line to start this off, because I don't know if I will ever earn what I desire. What would that be? Respect, friendship, genuine thanks.
So at the end of they year, I go through my network folders and clean stuff out. I have a folder at work and at home titled "Favors". This consists of things I have done for colleagues, supervisors, parents, and former students. In essence, things above and beyond what I am paid to do. This includes photographic editing and printing, logo designs for businesses, and recommendation letters for jobs, scholarships & college program applications. I have also donated money to pay for funerals or burned down houses. I have never said no to a single former student. Ever.
I love my students as if they were my friends or family. I will always be there for them. However, when the only contact you get from them after graduation is when they need something from you, it hurts. I never knew of students keeping in touch with their teachers. I visited my high school all of once. When I got to PV, after a few years, I noticed that students and teachers do keep in touch. Then I found out that that the relatives I have who are retired teachers still talk to and meet with their former students that they had special connections with. Then I started having kids say they wanted to keep in touch. I was not getting my e-mails, so I started a facebook with the sole purpose of keeping in touch. Facebook is passe, so I started an instagram since this is what you need to do. And boy do I know what I need to do - I nearly lost a friend due to my desire to talk to him face-to-face, not via e-mail.
But I'll be honest, this isn't "keeping in touch". What it is is keeping a connection to me so that they can get what they need because they know I will help when needed. Do they want to keep in touch? I don't think so. One girl I went for coffee with only did so because she wanted to talk to me about getting another former teacher to not be angry with her anymore after a disagreement (The three of us had even gone hiking and exploring together but I was clearly just the third wheel.) She was worried about losing that connection and knew I would be the reliable one to help. I never heard from her again. I get requests for recommendations of all types every year - from kids who have already graduated. And I comply. I get requests for information, advice, help. I reply quickly. Sometimes I get a confirmation and a thank you. Sometimes.
You might say that these kids only look for this kind of stuff. However, when you bump into former students out to lunch with a former teacher, when you hear about them meeting up with other colleagues, when you see the glowing posts and pictures, I realize I am being used. When you see derogatory things online a bout a misconduct you wrote (five+ years after the fact) for putting pretzels in the computer disk drive and then you get a sheepish "thanks for saving my life in high school" private message, you get the connection between the two and you don't say anything. You just take the emotional hit. And they keep on coming.
I had a student tell me something the last week of school. He said "This place doesn't know what they have in you." It was so wonderful to hear that and it was the first I ever heard anything like that. It made me feel good. But then I get a couple of e-mails from graduates for information, I promptly send a response, and I hear nothing. Is this lack of manners or just a show of the fact that I am disposable when no longer useful? I think it is the latter.
So why bother anymore? Because as Morrissey also said, "I know my luck too well and I'll probably never see you again." I would rather the slim possibility of being remembered fondly by someone for helping out than to be despised for neglecting the kids I loved so much.
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