A little gripe...  It is not as if a relative will read this... So here it goes.

I grew up with an Italian mother and Hungarian father.  Most of the Hungarians are dead.  So the Italian half is all we knew, for the most part.  Family was always shoved down our throats.  My sister and I were always made to feel we should go to every single event, deal with any kind of attitude dished out to us by cousins, smile and brush it all off.  We were never to cut anyone out of our lives because blood is important. Family meant more than friends.

I would guess half the family are still in Italy.  I am a first generation American as are all my cousins on my mother's side.  They constantly post all this mushy stuff online about family this and cousins that.  I am not that type, far from mushy.  They have big houses and expensive cars, and presumably the money for them.

Today, my cousin P returns to Italy after 10 days with my parents.  I socialized with her as much as I could, as did my sister.  We met her for dinner her first day here and I just saw her off, besides doing other things.  The only time I met her before this was at her parents' house when I visited Italy with my parents.  We scrimp and save to visit family.  I am sad that she will be gone and sad that her English is so good!  I wanted to practice Italian.

Here's the part I am bothered about - The cousins who have always sneered at my sister and I for not measuring up, being the same as them, and so on, could not even bother to see P.   One relative had a gathering at his house to have everyone meet her.  Those who showed up ignored her.  Many couldn't bother to show up.  My parents had a gathering too.  Same thing.

At some point, I gave up caring what others thought of me.  I think sister did too.  My mother stopped hassling me about being like all the others.  Last week she called to thank me for being the way I am.  I may not be touchy-feely, wear emotions on my sleeve, try to be everyone's best friend.  But I am loyal and respectful to those who treat me the same.  Sister and I are the only ones of our age group and younger who bothered to see P at all. And when saying goodbye to her today, I got such a warm, enthusiastic hug.   And I will do what I can to make sure I get back to Italy to see her and her parents again too.  Because that is better than some crappy large new home or a Mercedes.

So when my students feel like they aren't appreciated, or are misread, or don't fit in, I just tell them to be who they are.  Do not hurt people's feelings, be respectful, but be yourself.  It might take over 30 years, but someone will notice, and you will be thanked and appreciated.