Teaching a special is not easy.  You have to constantly prove the validity of your subject.  When I was first teaching, the state was piloting tests at the 4th, 8th, and 11th grade levels.  That was done away with.  It turns out that to test a program, you have to be willing to fund it sufficiently and NJ does not want to fully fund every single school district or their fine and performing arts programs.

So not only did it take me four years to find a permanent full time art job, but I now have to prove the relevance of my program every year.  I have already written about how I ended up teaching photography, so I do not need to explain why I have a double threat to my program: from both outside and inside my department.

So when our school starts to lose kids to the local vo-tech, we mobilize to show why we are the better choice.  Are we the better choice in all areas?  No.  We have no practical arts - automotive, plumbing, construction, electrical education are all gone.  However, when it comes to the fine and performing arts, we are better than much or what is around.  Beyond that, I have to show why my photo program is worth coming here for and worth keeping as is - darkroom and all.

So last year, our department put toge3ther a YouTube channel.  We each put a call out for videos from former students.  We wanted them to talk about what our art program did for them.  Considering all I do for my students, both before and after graduation, I thought I might get a few.  When I had about 20 kids say they would send me something, I was tickled pink.  I was excited to hear what they had to say.  I rarely get a heartfelt thank you from any kids.  I think I got one last year.  Then the date loomed closer and nothing.  By the time we needed them, I got two.  Two whole videos. A third student let me know he was too busy with his school work to put something together, and I appreciated his effort.

Out of all the kids for whom I have written recommendation letters (well over 100), post graduation letters for grant or job applications, portfolio advice for those changing majors, camera advice, business advice, heck, even logos created gratis by me for their businesses.  Out of all that, all I got was two f*cking videos.  So what am I going this week?  I am volunteering to be here to have my darkroom open for the 8th grade open house.  I have some boys who are going to print as demo people.  I am holding an open darkroom session for two hours.  It benefits the kids who will be printing and hopefully keeps my program going - saves it from the chopping block for a wee bit longer.  Do I want to be here?  Not really.  I have started a new medication and it makes me tired as all hell.  By 8.00 PM I am falling asleep.  Do I have a choice?  On paper, I do.  But realistically, I do not.  I know my program is good.  The kids know it is good.  But that is not enough here.  They want my space and my money and I have few people on my side here, including my former students.

The past few years have been nothing but let downs.  I have had a fabulous time with my kids and have seen a growth in creativity this last year or so, but it just is not enough anymore.  I want someone to say "thank you" and mean it sincerely.  I want someone to give back what I give to them.  Some of us teachers are treated like absolute sh*t here - partially because we are women - and our kids are our only bit of happiness.  I do not like the fact that I am fighting for this program alone, but that will not change here.