Today is the last day of summer.  I end it with two black cats as residents.  I began it with a very sick Millie, who died on the second day of our vacation together.

I have taken a look at my schedule and rosters.  It all looks good.  There are some major changes in the building this year and there was a great amount of grumbling going on last year when the rumblings of changes started.  Me?  Well, when you've worked in so many districts under so many people, you just go with the flow.  I don't have to change how I teach my kids and the politics behind my teaching.  Those will not be affected.  A lot of what will be implemented is stuff I already do.

To be honest, I don't want to hear the rumours, bitching, and all the other things that came with associating with many of my co-workers.  The beauty of it is that I don't have to anymore.  The focus of a teacher should be the school, the community, and most of all, and the students.  My period 1 is Photo II.  That means I might have lots of the kids in early to work.  Hooray!  Time spent focusing on them will be time well spent and time away from negative influences.

I have so many things I do outside of work, things that cannot be neglected.  I was reminded of how nice it is volunteering when I was cleaning up the town's Civil War memorial.  A few people thanked me for the work as they walked by.  I also have three organizations I volunteer with and this Fall will require a great deal of work.  So there will be a slight change of focus.  And then there is the getting the new kids acclimated to living with hubby and me.  None of this extra work involves money in my coffers, and that has never been my point.  It feels good doing it, helping fix things that need fixing, and being appreciated.  It's not too much to ask.

We went to two car shows in one weekend.  Friday night, we went down the hill for the weekly classic car show.  It was a grand time.  I cruise on by the Corvettes and almost anything mid-60s and on.  I like the older ones.  The crowd was decent, but I did see one person touching a car.  I think I had a look of horror on my face.  I can't swear to it, but it is highly possible since that is a reflexive reaction in those situations.  

The next car show was a BBQ in Paterson at the car parts place hubby gets stuff for his daily driver VW.  This was going to be super cool because the scrap yard was open.   We were like kids in a candy store.  Holy whoa.  But that wasn't the best part.  The best part was rolling up and having some guys yell our last name when they saw us.  Two of hubby's bike riding friends from over 20 years ago.  I was so excited to see them and didn't even know if they would even remember me.  The older guys aren't able to keep riding the BMX bikes like skaters because it is a lot harder on the body so hubby doesn't see any of them very regularly.  But they love seeing each other and they did remember me.  It made my day.  We looked at the cars - and there were so many Mark II GTIs there.  We stood around, looking, nodding, and such.

It reminded me of some things.  I need to stick to the people I fit in with.  I should not compromise my tastes or principles for the sake of seeming picky or elitist - though how a corny little art making, freak music loving girl could be elitist is beyond me.  I remembered that these are the people who never made us feel like losers for living our lives differently.  Don't drink heavily?  Never did drugs?  Don't like contemporary entertainment?  Who cares?  It's all good with them.  They do things differently too.

I thought about this all night.  Basically, when I found myself on someone's deck, surrounded by people drinking beverages made from frozen drink mixes, swaying to Jimmy Buffett, I should have quit. I should have just gotten the hell out of there and away from that kind of environment.  I didn't.  I do not like to gossip.  I don't like crap music.  I don't like to gab about inane movies/TV/sport.  Yet, in an effort to make my work life bearable - and yes, mother's nagging about me being too closed minded was there too - I joined in.  And I am so sorry I did.  I am so sorry for even giving one second to those who spread lies about innocent co-workers.  I am so sorry for not being more firm and just leaving when I tried to defend people being gossiped about and they refused to listen. I have lost a great deal of time and compromised my principles.  I guess in the back of my mind, I always knew that I would be the next one, but you are never prepared for that.  

I have always been happiest and most comfortable with my students (at work) and people that are slightly abnormal (socially).  I always tell students to be themselves.  Yes, sometimes you have to hide real parts of you, but don't let your behaviour be a lie.  I have to make sure I do things different at work this year, when it comes to the social stuff.   Trying to be social took me away from students and from self-care, even though I spent every lunch and prep with those fabulous students.  Teachers have an incredible rate of burnout and exhaustion and the politics and back stabbing just get in the way of keeping one's sanity and doing the best job possible.  How can I tell a student to take care of him/herself when I am not doing the same?  

Here's the other thing.  I was so affected by what was being done last year that it took me away from Millie.  And then I lost her on the second day of the summer vacation.  Not letting this year be the same.  

I went camping for the first time last weekend.  We went to Pennsylvania where hubby used to go for an annual mountain biking weekend.  I had a blast.  I did so well on more advanced (for me, at least) trails, it was hot as hell, and we swam in the lake to cool off after the rides or hikes.

There was one thing ...

Confederate flags.  The first ones were a couple of houses in a row on the way to a mine.  Some stickers on cars.  The same stuff I see at home or anywhere a bit away from the NYC metro area.  Then we went to the lake for a swim.  I saw a man with his family.  He was wearing confederate flag swim trunks.  The right leg was blue with the word "rebel" in white.  The left leg was the confederate flag.  OK.  That's not appealing.  Then they family goes in the water.  And there are not just white people in the water.  There are mixed couples and their children.  There are black and brown people all over the place.  Confeddy daddy sticks with his family.  Then we see it.  A black teenager with three younger, slightly lighter skinned kids are in the water about fifty feet from Confeddy daddy.  And they are doing what everyone else is doing - swimming, relaxing, having fun.  Then it happens.  The teenager and the three boys start meandering closer.... closer.... closer to Confeddy daddy.  And hubby and I watch.  We see the man's body language change.  He can't look.  He is clearly uncomfortable.  Then he seems agitated as the four youngsters are closer.  Mind you, they were doing nothing wrong or intrusive at all.  Just moving around like so many others.  But they were not white.  And that clearly bothered Confeddy daddy.  It begins to look a heck of a lot like the teenager knew exactly what he was doing.  And hubby and I loved it all.  We were silently cheering the young man on.  Eventually, Confeddy daddy moves halfway across the swimming area to - you guessed it - an area with all white people.  

I kept thinking about this all day.  Pennsylvania is north of the Mason-Dixon line.  As is the state I live in.  So why do I see so many confederate flags?  After a summer of doing a lot of reading and dealing with some political volunteering, here's what I think.  I believe that if the swastika was not so forbidden, we would be seeing an awful lot of that along with the confederate flags.  This is because I think the use of the flag is not due to some Southern pride.  When you have little to no roots down south, that excuse does not wash with me.  I see so much hatred and racism from the flag bearers. Basically, the flag can be cloaked in the "pride" excuse, when it really symbolizes hatred.  When you scratch the surface of beliefs of the flag bearers, you find out there are problematic beliefs that go hand-in-hand with all of the racist history and associations of that flag.  There is no way in hell anyone could get away with displaying a swastika or any other symbol used by the Nazis.  However, that flag is an easy way to say the same thing.  

So why bother with this thinking and analyzing?  I do not allow myself to be friends with racists or homophobes.  But I cannot help the fact that I do get some as students.  And considering the type of climate we have during this election year, I anticipate having to deal with the display of this flag.  I have read a couple of articles with advice and arguments dealing with how schools can address it.  That does not mean it will make it any easier.  You see, there is that little freedom of speech argument that gets brought up when someone is told the display of the flag is not appropriate or allowed.  Yet, that symbol of oppression is not seen as a something that stifles the freedoms of a whole race of people.  My classroom is a place of freedom and I never allow hate speech.  I address it the moment it pops up.  How do I deal with symbols of hate that people claim are about nothing but pride?  I anticipate a long couple of months this fall.

So after Millie passed away, two people offered us cats who needed homes.  We were not ready at all.  I am not sure I am 100% ready yet, but....

A favourite student who just graduated let me know she needs to find a home for her cat because she is not able to take her cat with her.  Hubby agreed we'd look into it.  Then I saw a picture of her.  Damn damn damn.  She is a long haired baby.  I am allergic to cats and asthmatic, but I do ok with short hair cats because I have an air purifier in the house and medicate myself with asthma fighting herbs.  However, I can't live with a long haired cat.  I looked at a long haired cat when we were going to adopt Millie.  I touched the cat, then touched my face, and massive itching.  So I had to let her know I couldn't take her fur baby.  And I have been feeling non-stop guilt since then.  I feel like I let one of my best students down.  I have to find a way to get over this, but it sucks.

We also went to two shelters.  First was Mount Pleasant in East Hanover.  We liked a lot of the cats.  We think some of them liked us.  But one thing nagged at me.  All of them were only there for a few months.  I was surprised.  Hubby noticed the same thing.  When we adopted Millie, there were cats who had been there for years, not months.  Then the student's cat came up and we agreed to consider that.  Once that became a "no" we went to Pequannock.  We found out that they have a lot of black cats because people are skittish about black cats.  Where are all the goths?  There are also many adults.  Almost all of the adults there have been there at least a year.

I always knew kittens were adopted easily.  That's why we liked that Millie was an adult, came from a home that rejected her, and she picked us.  We know we want to give a home to someone(s) who will otherwise not get a home.  The woman at the shelter had a sad story about almost all of them.  I just cannot believe why people give up a pet.  I am also so adamant about adopting and not buying from a breeder.  My mother says they sussed us out as soon as we walked in.  I don't care.  I love my students, regardless of back story.  I love fur babies, regardless of back story.  So I got the call yesterday that our application was approved.

We decided that we need to adopt with time to acclimate the newcomer to the house.  The best way to do that is before I go back to work.  We look to get two to keep them company due to the fact that they have lived nearly their whole lives in the shelter and will not have an easy time in a lonely home alone.  We also decided to make it two black ones.  I knew I made the right choice when I told the shelter lady who we were thinking of and her eyes teared up.  I also need to make sure I have someone to come home to after the workday.  First, I work with some of the nastiest beings I have ever encountered in my work life.  Having Millie was a life saver.  Second, it keeps me from overworking myself by having someone to play with, relax with, and take care of.  Third, we can donate all the money and food we want to shelters but that doesn't take care of the main problem.  Cats need homes.  We have a home.  It makes sense.  I also have a sense that Millie is OK with this.  She knew what we needed and gave it to us.  She knows we still need her but she can't be here so someone has to help out.  She'd hiss the buggers out of the house if we adopted while she was alive, but I know she understands.