Yesterday was one month since Millie's death.  I am still hibernating, but I have to force myself out of town soon....

We had purchased tickets to see a band in NYC so I left town last Tuesday.  I drove us to park in Jersey City.  The last time I had made that trip was the Friday night of a student photo show in June at the Soho Photo Gallery in Tribeca.  It was a wonderful night and a wonderful show.  The last great night for me for some time.  I was stuck in so much traffic.  We rushed to get the show set up.  But all went so nicely.  There were students who came with friends, family, and boyfriends.  Those with friends or family who lived in the city had those people come and they were happy to be there.  I even had a very nice time talking to the parents I had had some trouble with earlier in the year (my fault and I still feel so horrible about it).  We even had people come in off the street.  Someone was heard to say in astonishment "This is a high school show?"  At the end of the night, we made plans to do it again next school year and thought of ways to make it better.  As I walked back to the WTC PATH train with my bag of photos and my camera at the ready, I had a spring in my step.  It was a beautiful night, the city streets were buzzing with life, cafes and restaurants were full, and it was how I remembered it used to be walking in the city before it became a rich person's shopping mall.  I even found myself liking the new PATH station - I tend to hate modern architecture.  I went and danced the rest of the night away at my regular place.  It was my last night of happiness and it was good.

One thing nagged at me.  It was a question asked by a student at the show.  "Where is the administration?"  He asked this a couple of times.  I shrugged and said I didn't know.  But it bothered me.  Not because I wanted anyone to come for me but because it means something to the students and parents to see that the higher ups see the importance of an out of district art show.  As far as I know, this is the first time there has been a gallery show of only PV student art.  Everyone who needed to know, knew about the show.  None of them came.  And no, it was not a rough trip if you went in for the show.  I encountered traffic because I had to go in at rush hour to set up.  Those who came just for the show had no trouble whatsoever.  I have only had an admin come to one of the shows out of district in the past several years.  And that show involved other teachers.  Photo stuff?  Nah.  I have taught in this district for many years.  I have come to accept this.  However, this is the first time a student asked that question.  And that is what troubles me so much.

There were so many things wrong with this past school year.  So many disappointments and hard times.  My students were my saviours at work, Millie my saviour at home.  Someone made what I think was an attempt at an apology on the last day of work.  I will take what I can get, no matter how feeble.  My feelings have never mattered at this place.  However, the feelings of the students do matter.  And though I always do my best to make the students in and out of my classroom feel that they matter, I must do so even more this year.  They are nearly the only ones who treat me with respect and know how to selflessly apologize if they hurt me.  They also need to know that they deserve respect.  That student felt disrespected and insignificant by the lack of administrative presence and I need to make up for that.