Killjoy

Someone I know received horrible news recently.  Two relatives were in a car accident.  One died, the other is in ICU.  The driver who hit them was drunk.

Now, I know far too many people who drive drunk.  They might be students, colleagues, acquaintances, cops, or relatives.  I will not specify so that if someone happens to read this, they cannot know I am talking about them and squeal on me.  Suffice to say, I know a lot of people who do it.  That number grows as I meet more people and grow older.  And it makes me sick.

I try to socialize with a variety of people.  I give up most of the time.  Going to Happy Hour only to know that while I try to leave first, someone is certainly going home drunk, does not make me "happy".  I try to be friends with different people.  But when someone thinks it is funny to say "We'll have to get you drunk sometime", I am not laughing.  I get bored sitting around listening to people's stories of drunken escapades - recent or in the far past - when they come from people who cannot respect my sobriety.  I have been left out and dropped by people for my refusal to partake in this.  They claim I am closed-minded, unaware of the hypocrisy.  And that is fine.  I do not want to ever have to worry about whether someone I was hanging out with could later kill someone.  In addition to the fact that so many people drive drunk, I know far too many have had encounters with police who were too stupid to notice the drunken status of the individual or chose to let them go due to some privilege.

I do have a drink.  I limit it to one in one day, and rarely multiple days in a row.  It's funny.... The reactions I get and the difference between respect for my decision or disrespect depend on the reason I give.  When I tell people I take medication that limits my alcohol intake, I get nods of approval.  When I tell people I just don't want to be drunk, I get arguments and derisive comments.  I have many reasons for never having been drunk or having done drugs.  Some are things I will say, some are private.  I recently met a person who receives a huge gold star from me.  When he asked if the reasons I don't drink heavily are private or not, I replied "mostly private" and he let it go.  No condescending comments.  That was truly a rarity.

I have found that I have to play along with the whole drinking culture thing to not be called a killjoy.  I spent my eighth grade alone without a single friend.  I do not look to repeat that.  I nod and smile at people's drinking references and jokes.  But it gets on my nerves.  I would like people to just accept the fact that I will only have one drink, if at all.  I would like to know that I will not be made fun of for my choices.  I do not preach to anyone.  I have never implied that my choices should be adopted by anyone else.  They are my choices.  However, when I express dissatisfaction with letting people drive drunk I have been told "Well, that's his/her choice" and that is where I wish I could speak up.  Instead, tired of fighting and arguing, I clam up.  I have heard all kinds of excuses for driving drunk:  It's not that far; I won't get pulled over; My boyfriend/husband made me (yeah, that one is a pisser); I focus better.  None of it works with me.

I ache knowing about this person's loss last week.  Many drunk driving acquaintances will nod sadly at the news, wish his/her family well, keep them in their thoughts.  That's nice.  But how about this:  Do not drive drunk.  Ever.  And while we are at it, here is a simple request:  respect someone's choice to not drink.