While I did not have to hear the splat of Millie vomiting off the sideboard onto the dining room floor this morning, it did not start out much better.  I was run out of my lane by yet another dipsh*t slave to the GPS.  This time it was an 18-wheeler.  I have enough of a hard time dealing with adult acquaintances who have no concept of directions or how to read a map, but constantly being subjected to the drivers like that on my commute is a bit much.  Commute from hell indeed.

So I am already in a sour mood pulling in to the parking lot.  Then, as I am walking away from my car, I see two of my photo kids.  They greet me with a wonderful "Good morning, Mrs. Vasa" and my mood is instantly lifted.  They were there early to lift for their sports (Soccer and football). This place is alive, buzzing with activity nearly whatever time of day I am here.  

We have our first union meeting of the year today.  The first one since the "stuff" of last year.  It will be interesting.  Will there be tension?  Will people be more forgiving?

Which brings me to forgiveness....  As adults, we are expected to not hold grudges, to forgive all the time.  But at what point are you subjecting yourself to more heartbreak, hurt, or anger?  At what point do you start to look and feel like a fool?

I have been the recipient of some horrible things from students:  cruel words, devious actions....  We all have; every single teacher.  It comes with the job when you teach middle or high school.  A student's brain is still developing.  The risk they take by being cruel or disrespectful is directly related to the stage of development of the risk assessment part of the brain.  There is a thrill from trying to behave "inappropriately", do things you are told not to do, things you should not do.  I have rarely felt that such behaviour from my students was intentional and personal.

However, when an adult (colleague, acquaintance, friend, relative) treats you in a disrespectful, inconsiderate, hurtful, selfish way....  Well, isn't that different?  I think it is.  What I would brush off easily from a student cannot possibly be forgotten or forgiven from a peer.  The stuff that happened here at work last year was hurtful or anger inducing.  Can it be forgiven?  Maybe, depending where it came from.  Who did or said this or that? What fueled it?  Those things make a difference and must be considered.  Can it be forgotten?  Not as far as I can see.  An adult knows the results and risks of certain behaviours.  An adult knows what reaction and damage words and actions can cause.  There is an ability to assess the risk to the relationship, be it a working or friend situation.  

I have encountered countless adults who will use any excuse in the book to excuse such behaviour:  self-diagnosed mental health issues, life situations, shrunken brains (I kid you not.), drunkenness.  I might seem cruel, but I see these things as mere excuses.  If many of us -regardless of what personal difficulties we are going through - can respect each other enough to not partake in such behaviour, we all can.  The ironic thing, is that I rarely encounter a person with a diagnosed mental illness who does this to peers.  People who know how to be respectful colleagues/friends/acquaintances do not treat each other in such a way.  And that is why I rarely forgive and I never forget.  For ease, I can remain cordial.  I do not let the relationship return to beyond that.  This attitude is based on two things:  experience and reading.  I learned to not take such behaviour from my students to heart through my working with them and through my reading about new research into the adolescent brain.  I learned to take such behaviour from peers to heart and not forgive through being hurt and angered over and over and through my reading about how the adult brain works.   

People are amazed that we teachers can enjoy our time with high school age kids.  They are seen in such a negative light.  I thoroughly enjoy my time with my students because of the honesty in their kind words, the innocence behind their supposedly cruel behaviour, the sincerity behind their thankfulness.  They know they are risk takers, might misbehave, might be mean.  But they also know they can't control themselves sometimes.  An apology is more sincere from a teenager than one from a peer whose behaviour is repeated.