So acquaintance A has partner B.  B recently used the word "retarded."   When I heard this word used, I felt like I was punched.  It took the wind out of my sails.  First reason:  B seems to portray him/herself in one way - friendly, fun, kind, loving.  Second:  A is certainly a very intelligent, discerning person.  The fact that she/he would associate with a preson who uses that word shocked me.  I waited for a rebuke.  None came.  The word just hung there....  And I have a hunch I am the only one with the problem.

I do my best to make sure my classroom and this school is welcoming for all.  It is part of my job to make sure of that.  When I hear the words retarded or gay used as slurs or in an insulting way, I stop the kids and discuss the problem with that.  Even if I hear kids in the hall doing it.  I ask them to not use the word.  They say they didn't mean to use it that way.  I ask what they meant by it, and then explain that using it in place of a word like dumb or stupid mean using it in a disrespectful way.  And so it goes....

So why do I hear adults use this word more than my students?  Teachers, friends, relatives, acquaintances....  No one thinks anything of it.  When they do slip up in front of me, I get "Sorry, I know you don't like that word."  No.  Wrong response.

"I can't be racist.  Some of my best friends are black."

"I love gays.  I'm friends with lots of gay people."

"I didn't mean anything insulting saying retarded.  My aunt/uncle/sister/brother/cousin is disabled."

Yes, all those excuses for using homophobic, racist, or insulting language are ignorant and naive.  They separate members of society into an "other" that we can disassociate ourselves from.  By doing that, we do not see an injury or abuse of that separated group as offensive in the same way as if it was done to one of us.  The North Jersey Developmental Center can be shut down without a real care to what will happen to the residents when put into group homes with inadequately trained staff.  It enables us to not care or be affected in the same way when three deaths result from this hurried placement of people.  It enables us to not care as much when a black boy or girl is gunned down by a cop or white person because they are not seen as the same as "us".  The "retarded" person was ill and wouldn't have lived a full life.  The black person must have been guilty of some crime.

I think it is this mentally grouping of segments of society into "others" that allows cruel things to be done to those parts of the population.   For awhile, people were becoming more conscious of this.  People were learning to be kinder and not use those cruel words.  But now my kind of reaction is seen as infringing on someone's freedom of speech.  I am too sensitive.  I don't get it; the comments aren't meant in that way....

Blah blah blah....

Look at your history folks.  When have groups been able to persecute and try to eliminate portions of society?  When they are not seen as a part of the whole but identified as an "other".  Your right to use an offensive word is more important that the marginalization of a part of the population?  Really?  We aren't naive 15 year-olds anymore.  I wish the people around me would grow the f*** up.  My students have....