I needed to take Friday off.  Bad week.  I am a person who takes good care of herself health-wise.  Mentally?  Emotionally?  Not so much.  I offer myself to anyone who needs me.  Need help with  lessons, student/parent/colleague issues, subject research, evaluation question, union issues?  Personal problems?  I am there for you.  Any time of day.  I have rarely turned anyone down no matter the request.  The only times I turn down helping someone is when it comes to a dearth of supplies - printing photos for people and such.

This year has been one of letdowns.  People I have given so much of myself to - and those I just do the odd favour for or have nice conversations with once in a while - have shown that I was wasting my time.  I rarely blow up at people, but have been snapped at regularly.  I have had "friends" go through some very tough times and made sure I was there for them.  I never pour my soul out to anyone - I am very private in some ways - but think people are sensitive enough to know how to treat each other.  Apparently I exist to be used for help and as a punching bag.  The fascinating part is that when I do blow up because I have had enough or I defend myself, I get a range of flimsy excuses.  These include:  I am too sensitive, I am taking it the wrong way, it is a 50/50 issue and I am half to blame.  The way people treat you is a reflection of how much - or little - they value you.  If they can lash out at you when barely provoked, are you valued or respected by that person?

As teachers, we encounter students with a number of issues.  Relationships with toxic people (as described above) is one.  I have encountered many female students who remain in relationships with males who use verbal abuse, control, guilt and other methods.  If I get an opening, I encourage the girl to speak to someone.  I also urge her to get out and tell her why she deserves to be treated with respect.  One thing many of us do not realize is that non-sexual relationships can be like this too.  Friendships can be toxic.  I am guilty of neglecting to advise students when I know they are in friendships that are no good.  Why is that?  Is it because I know I can't extricate myself from the same types of situations?  Maybe.

There are some people who are so used to being told how to treat others that they forget how to treat themselves.  Staying in non-reciprocal friendships is damaging.  It is a constant letdown.  The only time a person receives sympathy is when tears are shed.   But not all of us cry, or like to pull the tears card in public (yes, I do believe some people use that as a tool).  And if those feelings are due to a friendship, it is disregarded too easily.  If you wouldn't advise a female stay in a relationship with a partner who treats her like that, why would you expect her to take it from a "friend"?  Why is it so hard for people to treat each other with respect?  Why are so many people guilted into staying in friendships that are not equal or fair?

I like to present myself as a strong role model for my students.  I am a hypocrite if I stay in relationships that are no good.  I am also ignorant if I don't notice when my students are in friendships that are not good for them.  So, more work to do to improve myself and help my students.