On Monday I did my first collaborative lesson in years.  A history teacher and I presented a lesson on the Civil War and photography.  I loved it and we will be doing it again next year.  Some things I hope to do differently:

• have the history class meet in my room at the bell.  Waiting for them to come down was like dead air on the radio.  I despise empty spots on the air and don't like the waiting game.
• get up the nerve to interject more.  He said to feel free to do that, but I didn't want to appear rude.  We had a bit of a free dialogue going, but I need to work on that more.
• Maybe more than a period?  We ran out of time...
• do medium format with Photo II at the same time as large format with Photo III so both classes take part, although many of my PII kids chose to stay in the room for the lesson.

The following day, I talked with the PIII students at length about the assignment.  They are to photograph a lie or a falsehood.  They made the link to the Civil War lesson immediately.  It clicked for them and I could see their minds working....  I might present cross-curricular information in many of my assignments, but with a collaboration with another teacher, the kids get it so much more.

So some none lesson related observations...  I am one of the teachers who is a go to person when there are more challenging, at-risk students in need of a place to go.  There is no honors art.  I - along with two other teachers in my department - get a very varied mix of students.  I haven't seen a tracked/honors class since I was an honors student in high school.  This teacher was amazed at what she saw.  The dynamic of the class changes in a myriad of ways.  The question and answer sessions between teacher and students is different.  The dialogue is dynamic.  The students process and recall information differently and so the teacher's methods are different.  I can see how this type of class enables differentiated instruction much more.  A teacher does not have to spend so much time on management of behaviour.  The period flows smoothly.  There are a lot more things I want to put down but I am tired.  

None of this is to say that I do not like the group I get, I do not begrudge honors teachers, I do not support (or not support) tracking.  However, if we are going to evaluate teachers in the way we do and then grade those teachers based on the ability of the the students to test well...  Well, some of us are at an instant disadvantage.  Sure, in our SGO and evals we can put down how many IEP, BI and other students we have.  But what about the challenging student with no classification?  Because a challenging student is not necessarily a classified one, and vice versa.  There are so many factors related to the classroom make-up that we are now being judged/rated on.  

I want to write more about this but I am exhausted.  I want to do the best job I can.  The evaluations call for massive involvement in the school and community.  Well, let me tell you what that does to a person.  I cannot eat without my hands shaking.  I can't sleep.  I twist and contort so much in my sleep that I am apparently crying in my sleep.  I cannot get rid of the circles under my eyes or the bloodshot eyeballs.  I know people tell me to slow down, but this is what happens to me:  the moment I take a break or slip up, there is someone there to see and lecture or scold me.  If I am not there enough for a "friend" because I am trying to give myself a break, I am not a real friend.  If I do not do enough volunteering on the job, it will be noted.  If I say no when a colleague asks for a favour, I am not as accommodating as so-and-so.  I am here by 6.15 am, involved in the union for the good of my colleagues (because the union is what you make it), do a club, spend time before and after school with students, take part in every show I can, make myself available for help for kids I don't even teach, and continue to assist graduates when needed.  On top of that, I am involved in committees in my town.  But it is not enough for the evals.  I must live here, be here 24/7.  I can't do it and stay healthy.  Oh, and by the way, "All hands on deck" for the next four weeks of testing.  Do not take a day off.  

Explanations

I bit the bullet and bought Rebecca Solnit's "Men Explain Things to Me."  I had read a few reviews and took the plunge.  You know a book is hitting close to home when you keep nodding furiously as you read.  The first chapter is the essay of the book's title, the one that started it all.  I might have mentioned this before, but I grew up isolated from sexism.  I never experienced what others had regarding inequality.  In my work I didn't, and that includes working in publishing in NYC, working for a major men's sports organization, and other school districts.  Then I came to my current job.  Whoa.

In the first chapter, Solnit describes an encounter with an elderly man trying to explain to her the necessity of reading a book on a subject the two are discussing.  The book happens to be written by her.  He can't fathom a woman has written the well-regarded book he is urging this little girl to read.  He can't comprehend what he is being told.  I have seen and experienced this here at work.  For example:

• the elder statesman who exists to teach you everything you need to know, 
• the man who dismisses your ideas as frivolous or un-doable and then takes it and proposes is as his own, 
• the men who tell you why your idea won't work using arguments refuted in your proposal, showing they never even took the time to read it,
• the man who pulls you aside to lecture you about why there are no women involved in an action or committee ("Do you have the experience?")
• the man who tells you to not be emotional, when really, you are angry enough to punch a wall,
• the man who doesn't listen to your whole statement, then explains why you are wrong, without really addressing your issue because he never listened to you in the first place.

And here, it runs the gamut from the top to the bottom....  The condescension, smarmy attitude, disrespect.  Many of the men here who have treated us like uneducated little girls are not who I would look up to.  They are men who have mail order advanced degrees (I went to a brick and mortar school for my MA, thank you, and graduated with a 3.985).  They have shown to be unreliable in duties (why can't they show up to something on time?).  They make commitments to committees and are no-shows (fabulous excuses).  They berate their female students/sports team members, making them feel inferior (How many hours have I spent counseling a female team member to not give up?  Way to go, coach).

There is a chapter on Virginia Woolf that almost lost me, until it got to art criticism.  I have one quote I will be using in Thursday's Photo I critique.  I started Solnit's book on Wednesday.  I expect to complete the book by tomorrow.  So much fuel....  

Another book I bought is about women artists and self-injurious behaviour (of all types) and self-healing.  Over the years, through the journaling and personal qualities of the projects in my advanced classes, I know there is much in this book I will be able to use in addressing my students.  The more the kids open up to me, the more I see that the condescending behaviour of my colleagues and superiors is not just an anomaly - it is a product of this area.  I saw it in my family but attributed it to the old timey Italian-ness.  I was very wrong.  There is something in the culture here that works to keep the women down.  I see it in my female students.  I hope to use what I am reading to figure out better ways to address this, and hopefully get the male students to reframe their thinking and oppressive, condescending behaviours.  A tall order, but I do not give up easily here.

Snow and Ice

So I chopped ice yesterday like a madman.  It felt great!  I love shoveling snow and cleaning up the property.  Then is snowed overnight.  Well, I am sore as hell.  My hips and knees hurt like hell as I walk.  And I knew that even with a delay, I couldn't get myself to work with how my joints are killing.  I have over 90 days banked, so I shouldn't feel guilty, but, as usual I do.  People talk about Catholic guilt?  My Catholic education has nothing on how my mother instilled guilty feelings in us kids.  You don't know guilt unless you have an Italian mother.....

So I am researching for a collaborative lesson.  I finally heard form a History teacher about planning a lesson together.  I didn't want to bother him because it is a crazy year.  I hate to pressure people.  But, we are doing a lesson on Civil War photography and linking it with my Photo III classes and their large format shoot.  While we will not be using the glass plates, the camera is the same.  So I am super excited to go over this.  And...

Last night PBS' Independent Lens aired "Looking Through a Lens Darkly".  This is a film about the representation of African-Americans in photographs and discusses the differences between how whites and blacks represented this population.  It was a bit scattered.....  But as I watched it, I realized this filmmaker was like me.  I feel like I have the fabulous ideas and big important lessons to get across.  When I present them, I feel a bit all over the place.  The kids look like they are a bit confused.  Then at the end, I tie it all together.  And  day or two later, the kids connect the dots.   We get tons of theses a-ha moments.

That's what I got laying in bed afterwards, thinking of the film.  All the information and thoughts running around in my head started to connect.  So do I try to make my introductory lessons more cohesive so they get it right away?  Or do I keep on going on as I do, naturally, reflecting my personality and let the kids connect the dots?  I don't know.  I like the idea of the students having ownership of the lesson by coming to connections and realizations themselves, but for observations, this is not good.  I also think if I lay it all out there neatly and concisely, I am feeding them too much.  There is no chance for explorations on the part of the students.  I prefer to do what is best for the kids.  Ugh.  Time to go research....

Completed so far this morning:

• Mixed film developer
• Mixed paper developer
• Mixed film fixer
• Mixed paper fixer
• Mixed stop bath
• entered weekly grades for five of my seven classes
• checked Photo II Pinterest posts

Oh, and scraped a load of ice off my car and luckily made it to work safely.  The roads are covered in ice, but we are here.  I will be calling the husband and giving him the lowdown on the roads.  Hopefully he can stay home.  I will also be messaging my friend to tell her not to go out.  She has two bad tires.  Notice what I am doing here?  Caring about people's safety and well being.  My family and friends are of no use to me if they are out unnecessarily and get hurt.  Someone here does not see things that we.  We had two school buses crash last year?  I guess if no one dies, all is good....  This is simple management.  Your business is of no use if your employees and clients (teachers and students, respectively) go away.  

Ah, life at PV.

But, I attended the reception for the art exhibit at the health center in Dover.  I saw a former colleague form PV there!  I have yet to meet a person who is not happy that a certain departed our shores.  Hmmm....  But about the health center.  Oh wow.   They believe in health care for all as a basic right.  They are so forward thinking, fair, community oriented.  It is a perfect match for me.  They hang the work in all areas of the building so the patients see the work not just in the lobby, but throughout their visit.  This is because they believe that being surrounded by this kind of beauty helps the healing process.  Inspirational.

I enjoyed talking to the curator.  When we were talking, one of the employees of the health center joined in.  It turns out she is from Princeton and we got to talking about Morris County (where we all live) and the politics.  She wants to get involved in the political work hubby and I are doing.  Hooray for making contacts!

So today I complete distribution of the Individual Assignments to Photo II.  Those who received theirs on Friday gave the usual reactions.  And that is a good thing.  

Crowded mind

So I have had so,so many things on my mind lately.  We are dealing with these SGOs and QBAs. Students are stressing out to no end over the doubled amount of exams.  We used to have half days for students, then the rest of the school day to grade exams.  Now we no longer have that.  Basically, the message I feel we teachers are getting is that it is our tough luck.  "We don't care how you have to suffer.  Just get the work done.  And do not expect any sensible deadlines or preparation on our part." I come to work by 6.15 am for a reason.  Early hours at work are best for getting all my work done.  I can grade alone, in silence, with no distractions.  I can take care of the majority of darkroom repairs, upkeep, and preparation in the wee hours.  I am uncomfortable bringing student work home. More opportunity for it to be damaged.  Over the past week, I brought work home twice, grading until 5.30, when I had to make dinner.  And my volunteer jobs?  I have not even started the latest box of scanning for the Morris County Trust, and I am in desperate need of more time to complete the design guidelines book for Main Street.  This week, I have been so stressed, my left eye has gone back to twitching.  I have not had a solid night's sleep in over a week.  I have been so stressed, I have been near tears or screaming.  I just feel like our kids are being used as guinea pigs in this silly educational experiment, or pawns in the political power plays.  Lots of people think I am scum because I do not have or want children.  Not true.  My anger over all this reformy rigor bull is due to the effects on students. I think people in the public are waking up.  I think...

On a positive note...

I received a couple of wonderful e-mails from a students' parents.  I was so happy, I probably blushed. I don't know how to react to compliments, so it took mea couple of days to respond - well, that and no free time.  The other thing?  It is time for the individual assignments in Photo II.  I handed out to period 5.  The intense looks of concentration and reactions were wonderful.  Many remarked about how hard my assignments  would be.  I said I aim to challenge them.  No one is ever angry with my choices for them.  They are appreciative of the thought and time I put into it and I think they like the challenge.  A nice way to end a really rough week.

Tomorrow night, I have a reception for a show that I have three photos in.  It is the one in Dover.  Wine, hors d'oeuvres, art.  Then, the club and good music, dancing, and friends.  Hooray.