I am going on a vacation in my mind.  My activist and teacher groups have not rested at all since the pandemic.   Yesterday was massively stressful.  I had bass lessons in the morning.  I get so fucking nervous for them because I am not progressing as I would like and I do not want to let my teacher down.  He taught me one of his old band's songs and I was all set.  Then it was my turn to do it and I could feel my legs turn to jello.  When it comes to teaching, I am fine on the stage.  When it comes to anything else, not so fine.  

Then I had my NJEA committee meeting.  I am on the instruction committee and I like the group.  They do not make me feel like a moron when I speak up.  There was some disturbing news about some state stuff.  I do not want to go back in my building in September.  This news did not make me feel any more secure or safe.  I do not trust the supervisor of building and grounds to make sure the place is sanitized properly.  There are so many examples, but I will save them for my book.  (Well, it will probably be a zine, but whatever.)

Then at 7.00pm I was facilitating a panel discussion on safe return to schools hosted by the NNJ DSA.  It was a joint effort between the Political Education group and the Education Caucus.  I was hella nervous.  There were four panelists who are leaders in their districts when it comes to mobilizing.  I am a nobody.  But we had 52 attendees!  And one of them was a former student!  I felt like I did OK.  The former student asked a great question about organizing as a college student.  Then, when it was over, my phone was dinging so much.  They liked the job I did.  They were thanking me.  I am just so not used to this at all.  Peers being nice, supportive, and not jealous or ready to stab me in the back.  Unreal and I felt almost good about myself.

So, I decompressed by having an IPA - note, one, not some - and watching pimple-popping videos.  Today starts the first day of several in which I want to try to not do so much work.  I listened to a new album from Amyl and the Sniffers.  I will be gardening, practicing my bass, cuddling with the cats, listening to more music, and doing some photo work.