Always have a plan b.  We were working on digital negatives in Photo II and those digital negatives are to be used to expose cyanotypes.  Well, Bertha, our darling Epson, was not working on Friday.  I sent our tech guy an e-mail.  No answer all weekend.  Then I tried again Monday morning.  She's alive, but not printing.  I sent another e-mail.  Nothing.  For him to not respond, you know he is tied up in something serious.  Really serious.  I paid him a visit third period and saw the stress on his face.  I asked if I should go with my plan b for period 8.  He uttered a tired "Yes".  For three days we went with plan b.  We frantically mixed lith film developer during our lunch.  The kids were instructed in period 8 on Friday.  Monday and Tuesday involved lith printing and prepping paper for argyrotypes.  The kids handled it well.  Confused, dizzy, but well.  The best part was having a student teacher who took it all in stride, because she has already taken over the Photo II classes so this was all her teaching.  And it went fabulously well.  I do feel like I have grown a few more grey hairs over the past seven days, but by the end of the day yesterday, Bertha had worked like a beast for two days, the cyanotypes looked amazing (even with no sunlight), and the kids were on track.  Phew.  I still do not know why this place does not like to get student teachers from NJCU.  They are so much better than what I have seen from MSU, but what would I know.

The intrigue of the week?  Hearing that something that I have been wanting to do for years is now being done by other staff members.  My problem is that I talked about it with people I thought were friends.  It turns out they are taking my ideas and running with them.  So they can do their gardening club and that is fine with me, but the deceit and theft I am dealing with so far this year is hardening my resolve that I must no longer befriend my coworkers and must see my time with my students as my source of joy.  It doesn't disappoint me. I know who I am dealing with.  It's more like that gnat that keeps flying in your face as you are hiking a difficult trail.  You have bigger things to take care of and this annoying little thing keeps trying to distract you.  I am also finding out that I will be pushed out of a project I was discussing with the the colleague who came up with the idea and was spearheading it.  Actually, we are both being pushed out.  I have a hunch I will end the year in lunch duty.  I am now in library duty for a reason.  I was requested because of plans to work in the MakerSpace.  The word is that I will be moved to the cafeteria when the MakerSpace is up and running so someone else can work in it/run it.

I was also told that the darkroom will be gone within a few years.  Not a school year goes by without being told this.  I know I will not be involved in that decision either.  However, that will be a great loss for the Guidance and Special Ed departments.  I have been told that what I did with the Photo program took a great load off of Guidance.  They could fill my classes for 10 period without having to resort to administrative pressure to tell kids to put my course at the top of the list to put bodies in.  The students WANT to take the class.  They do not have to be tricked into it.  I also take any and all students.  The case workers and CST know that I am a person who will take some of the most challenging students and successfully teach them and work with them.  You take the darkroom away and kill this program, you will not hurt me.  I already have a plan b for my next career if that happens.  You will be hurting the students of PV.  And that is despicable.

Always have a Plan B.

My work is neverending.  I had to drop off cameras at the repair shop.  I left right after period 8.  I still did not make it home until 4.30.  If anyone thinks I get away with something by leaving at the bell for this, they are kidding.  I would gladly let someone else drop them off and sit in that route 80 traffic on my way home around the Market Street exit for the chance to avoid the agita of this trip.  However, if I do not do it, it will not get done.  I tried it last year.  I refused to drop them off.  Did someone else volunteer?  Hardly.  At least the people at the shop are wonderful.  The woman I deal with was telling me about the equipment the repaired for another school.  First of all, 16 cameras repaired.  Sixteen!!!  I was drooling over that kind of repair budget.  Oh wait, I have no repair budget.  It comes out of my supply budget.  Then, here's the kicker:  12 enlargers repaired!  I told her I do all my enlarger repairs myself.  We could not understand how they paid for it.  I have a guess - a supportive school that values the program and budgets money for all students, not just select groups.

I feel anger at the careless way the students handle the cameras, but she told me ours are actually in very nice shape compared to what they see from other schools.  I looked at the Minoltas they had in the case and they were all $200.  Sigh.....  No money for that.  I will be scrounging on e-bay all year.  I have had a never ending battle for fair funding since they gave me this program and told me to fix it.  I just wish they knew how much money I save by soliciting thousands of dollars in donated equipment and doing my own repairs.

I had ordered a magnification lamp on this year's budget.  Somehow, between submitting it in December and some date in February, that item was removed after being marked "no bid" and a paper trimmer was placed on it.  My student teacher took pity on my attempts to repair a camera on Friday - maybe it was the resulting blood blister - and brought in her magnification lamp from home.  Within five minutes I was able to make the repair.  That paper cutter will remain in that box because I did not order it and all six of ours are indeed in working order, especially after I sharpen the blades myself.

I do not get paid any extra to do all this and I am getting frustrated.  However, the kids must never know.  All sunshine and roses in Cafe 026.

The kids are doing their first shoot this weekend.  So far, only three e-mails.   That's not too bad.  I hope they don't try to e-mail me at the last minute tonight.  I can't stand the procrastination, especially since I drill it into their heads that they must shoot 12 at one time and 12 afterwards and it must all be in daylight.  We are only shooting at 125 shutter speed, no supplemental flash.  They are quite impatient, but I have stressed the importance of slowing down while shooting.  I asked how many of them freak out if someone does not respond to a text in 30 minutes.  I bet the reality is they all react that way, but few raised their hands.  Whether it is processing a print, shooting, or processing the film, this class needs patience.  I felt like I was moving at a glacial pace this week with my camera and film loading instructions, but when I would ask if they hit information overload, I just needed to look at their eyes to know the answer.

I have a student teacher this semester and getting her feedback and responses is really helpful.  She felt like it was moving very slow too, but we forget how foreign all this film stuff is to kids nowadays.  Our instinct is to show everything and then expect it to have all sunk in, but that isn't the reality.

The main reason I hope the kids are having an easy time shooting is because of my packed schedule.  I volunteer with three groups right now.  I think I am overloaded.  I overbooked myself this weekend and had to skip one organization's meeting and canvassing.  I had one meeting this past week.  We had work in town yesterday morning.  There was also canvassing with another group yesterday but we could not do that and do the clean up.  Then, I have a wake today (a cousin passed away suddenly), I have to drive all the way out of the way to get school cameras repaired tomorrow, and I have more work to do online next week.  Then we have voter registration in Paterson on Saturday and plantings to do on Sunday on Main Street.  All this while trying to get everything at work done, take care of my gardens, and deal with a cat who is skittish and peeing on furniture.  While I can tell my students to slow down and take it easy, it seems I just can't.  The moment I do that little act of self-preservation, there will be someone to scold me for slacking.  There always is.  So I keep on going.

One student asked recently if I ever stop.  I said I don't know how.

I survived the first week.  We started on September 1, but I don't teach freshmen this year so I did not have any students until Tuesday.  For the second year in a row, I do not change rooms or have freshmen.  For the first time ever in my 15 year teaching career, I only have two preps.  Some colleagues might grumble at that, but I think I have certainly paid my dues over the years.  In those respects, the year has started off smoothly.

The rough part is that we are transitioning to Google Classroom.  I have been using my PBWorks religiously for years.  I like it.  It's easy for the students to navigate.  I have a homepage with the necessities, and you move on to the necessary page from there.  Google Classroom has no home page as such.  The items I have on my homepage end up having to be on each and every classroom's page.  A pain and a bit of overdoing it in my mind.  It is customizable and pretty as far as the images go, but for me, that just isn't enough.  We use it in class everyday and the kids are used to checking it already and it has only been a week.  I guess that is a good thing.

When I saw my rosters, it wasn't like last year.  Last year, I had a look at them and saw who I had and my heart skipped a beat.  I had so many kids I knew and liked.  Great work ethic kids, so-so work ethic kids who were a hoot, and kids I lobbied hard to take the class.  This year there were very few familiar faces.  I was not disappointed, but there was that question of what the dynamics of each period would be like with so many unknowns.  Well, what a bunch of kids.  I think the classes will be really cool.  I can already sense a unique class personality developing in each period.  They are clearly into the class and what we will be doing.  I am taking it slow - as usual - and I still see the glazed over eyes.  I keep forgetting this is a piece of cake for me but so damn foreign to them that I need to make sure I take it slower, but not to the point of sleep.  Today, we try our first photogram test strip.  Oh, the excitement.

I do miss the daily garden work.  Not only am I not there in the morning like usual, but we also have a massive rain deficit and the plants are starting to die off.  (They would be anyway with the colder nights, but it still stinks.)  I water with the rain barrels each day, but I can't water enough.  I also had an acquaintance over to pick something up and he wanted to see the gardens.  As I walked him around, I was aggravated with my shaded areas.  I need to do something with those spaces and avoid further garden humiliation.  He was polite, but the gardens were not as nice as when the weather is normal and not as nice and in bloom as they were in the middle of the summer.

Today is the last day of summer.  I end it with two black cats as residents.  I began it with a very sick Millie, who died on the second day of our vacation together.

I have taken a look at my schedule and rosters.  It all looks good.  There are some major changes in the building this year and there was a great amount of grumbling going on last year when the rumblings of changes started.  Me?  Well, when you've worked in so many districts under so many people, you just go with the flow.  I don't have to change how I teach my kids and the politics behind my teaching.  Those will not be affected.  A lot of what will be implemented is stuff I already do.

To be honest, I don't want to hear the rumours, bitching, and all the other things that came with associating with many of my co-workers.  The beauty of it is that I don't have to anymore.  The focus of a teacher should be the school, the community, and most of all, and the students.  My period 1 is Photo II.  That means I might have lots of the kids in early to work.  Hooray!  Time spent focusing on them will be time well spent and time away from negative influences.

I have so many things I do outside of work, things that cannot be neglected.  I was reminded of how nice it is volunteering when I was cleaning up the town's Civil War memorial.  A few people thanked me for the work as they walked by.  I also have three organizations I volunteer with and this Fall will require a great deal of work.  So there will be a slight change of focus.  And then there is the getting the new kids acclimated to living with hubby and me.  None of this extra work involves money in my coffers, and that has never been my point.  It feels good doing it, helping fix things that need fixing, and being appreciated.  It's not too much to ask.

We went to two car shows in one weekend.  Friday night, we went down the hill for the weekly classic car show.  It was a grand time.  I cruise on by the Corvettes and almost anything mid-60s and on.  I like the older ones.  The crowd was decent, but I did see one person touching a car.  I think I had a look of horror on my face.  I can't swear to it, but it is highly possible since that is a reflexive reaction in those situations.  

The next car show was a BBQ in Paterson at the car parts place hubby gets stuff for his daily driver VW.  This was going to be super cool because the scrap yard was open.   We were like kids in a candy store.  Holy whoa.  But that wasn't the best part.  The best part was rolling up and having some guys yell our last name when they saw us.  Two of hubby's bike riding friends from over 20 years ago.  I was so excited to see them and didn't even know if they would even remember me.  The older guys aren't able to keep riding the BMX bikes like skaters because it is a lot harder on the body so hubby doesn't see any of them very regularly.  But they love seeing each other and they did remember me.  It made my day.  We looked at the cars - and there were so many Mark II GTIs there.  We stood around, looking, nodding, and such.

It reminded me of some things.  I need to stick to the people I fit in with.  I should not compromise my tastes or principles for the sake of seeming picky or elitist - though how a corny little art making, freak music loving girl could be elitist is beyond me.  I remembered that these are the people who never made us feel like losers for living our lives differently.  Don't drink heavily?  Never did drugs?  Don't like contemporary entertainment?  Who cares?  It's all good with them.  They do things differently too.

I thought about this all night.  Basically, when I found myself on someone's deck, surrounded by people drinking beverages made from frozen drink mixes, swaying to Jimmy Buffett, I should have quit. I should have just gotten the hell out of there and away from that kind of environment.  I didn't.  I do not like to gossip.  I don't like crap music.  I don't like to gab about inane movies/TV/sport.  Yet, in an effort to make my work life bearable - and yes, mother's nagging about me being too closed minded was there too - I joined in.  And I am so sorry I did.  I am so sorry for even giving one second to those who spread lies about innocent co-workers.  I am so sorry for not being more firm and just leaving when I tried to defend people being gossiped about and they refused to listen. I have lost a great deal of time and compromised my principles.  I guess in the back of my mind, I always knew that I would be the next one, but you are never prepared for that.  

I have always been happiest and most comfortable with my students (at work) and people that are slightly abnormal (socially).  I always tell students to be themselves.  Yes, sometimes you have to hide real parts of you, but don't let your behaviour be a lie.  I have to make sure I do things different at work this year, when it comes to the social stuff.   Trying to be social took me away from students and from self-care, even though I spent every lunch and prep with those fabulous students.  Teachers have an incredible rate of burnout and exhaustion and the politics and back stabbing just get in the way of keeping one's sanity and doing the best job possible.  How can I tell a student to take care of him/herself when I am not doing the same?  

Here's the other thing.  I was so affected by what was being done last year that it took me away from Millie.  And then I lost her on the second day of the summer vacation.  Not letting this year be the same.  

I went camping for the first time last weekend.  We went to Pennsylvania where hubby used to go for an annual mountain biking weekend.  I had a blast.  I did so well on more advanced (for me, at least) trails, it was hot as hell, and we swam in the lake to cool off after the rides or hikes.

There was one thing ...

Confederate flags.  The first ones were a couple of houses in a row on the way to a mine.  Some stickers on cars.  The same stuff I see at home or anywhere a bit away from the NYC metro area.  Then we went to the lake for a swim.  I saw a man with his family.  He was wearing confederate flag swim trunks.  The right leg was blue with the word "rebel" in white.  The left leg was the confederate flag.  OK.  That's not appealing.  Then they family goes in the water.  And there are not just white people in the water.  There are mixed couples and their children.  There are black and brown people all over the place.  Confeddy daddy sticks with his family.  Then we see it.  A black teenager with three younger, slightly lighter skinned kids are in the water about fifty feet from Confeddy daddy.  And they are doing what everyone else is doing - swimming, relaxing, having fun.  Then it happens.  The teenager and the three boys start meandering closer.... closer.... closer to Confeddy daddy.  And hubby and I watch.  We see the man's body language change.  He can't look.  He is clearly uncomfortable.  Then he seems agitated as the four youngsters are closer.  Mind you, they were doing nothing wrong or intrusive at all.  Just moving around like so many others.  But they were not white.  And that clearly bothered Confeddy daddy.  It begins to look a heck of a lot like the teenager knew exactly what he was doing.  And hubby and I loved it all.  We were silently cheering the young man on.  Eventually, Confeddy daddy moves halfway across the swimming area to - you guessed it - an area with all white people.  

I kept thinking about this all day.  Pennsylvania is north of the Mason-Dixon line.  As is the state I live in.  So why do I see so many confederate flags?  After a summer of doing a lot of reading and dealing with some political volunteering, here's what I think.  I believe that if the swastika was not so forbidden, we would be seeing an awful lot of that along with the confederate flags.  This is because I think the use of the flag is not due to some Southern pride.  When you have little to no roots down south, that excuse does not wash with me.  I see so much hatred and racism from the flag bearers. Basically, the flag can be cloaked in the "pride" excuse, when it really symbolizes hatred.  When you scratch the surface of beliefs of the flag bearers, you find out there are problematic beliefs that go hand-in-hand with all of the racist history and associations of that flag.  There is no way in hell anyone could get away with displaying a swastika or any other symbol used by the Nazis.  However, that flag is an easy way to say the same thing.  

So why bother with this thinking and analyzing?  I do not allow myself to be friends with racists or homophobes.  But I cannot help the fact that I do get some as students.  And considering the type of climate we have during this election year, I anticipate having to deal with the display of this flag.  I have read a couple of articles with advice and arguments dealing with how schools can address it.  That does not mean it will make it any easier.  You see, there is that little freedom of speech argument that gets brought up when someone is told the display of the flag is not appropriate or allowed.  Yet, that symbol of oppression is not seen as a something that stifles the freedoms of a whole race of people.  My classroom is a place of freedom and I never allow hate speech.  I address it the moment it pops up.  How do I deal with symbols of hate that people claim are about nothing but pride?  I anticipate a long couple of months this fall.